However, the truth is... while my mind knows it, and my heart embraces it... my flesh STILL rebels against it. It is so easy for me to write things on here about what a blessing it is, things I've learned along the way, tips to help others along the journey... but it is not the complete truth unless I also confess that I do, still, very much at times, struggle. I feel like Paul, who lamented in Romans 7:15 "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." I still find myself thinking my way is the better way, annoyed by little habits, trying to control situations with the children when he is handling them, trying to manipulate him through attitudes and speaking in ways that are out of line. How shameful it is! That's really the only way to express it - just shameful, and dishonoring to not only Michael, but to the Lord Himself, who gave me this man for me to love and submit to.
So please do not read my blog and think that I must have it "all together" - oh no! I hope I have never given that impression, but in case I have, let me clarify! I am still growing, learning, striving for that crown, that ultimate goal! And each day, as I practice dying to myself, there will be successes and failures, and some things are more painful than others to do away with. But ultimately I trust in the Lord's refining fire to purify me, no matter how much my flesh struggles against it. I long for it! I pray for it! And I ask for your prayers! I pray that I will not be like the man described in James 1:22-24: "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was", but instead the one described in the next verse: "But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does."
I do not want to be hypocritical, which is why I confess these weaknesses here. I am nothing without the Lord, nothing at all, but by His saving grace, He is sanctifying me. And I praise Him for that, even though my praise is such a small thing in comparison.
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2 comments:
Thanks for posting this post. As the person in our house who takes care of most stuff, homeschooling, bills, shopping, etc... its a hard thing to remember Iu don't know it all and can't do it all and direct everyone else's traffic, especially my DHs. I've been studying more on Prov 31 and my role in the family as well. Your post helped me today. Thanks so much. Wanted to let you know I added your blog to my homeschool blogline in case you would be interested in trading links. I'll be back soon!
Oh me too me too! Especially as of late I've been feeling like Paul a lot and I have a whole lot to learn and grow in the area of submission especially...I'm just so thankful the Lord opened my eyes to the truth while I was young rather than living in the way I was (being the "leader" or trying to be) for a long time in our marriage and definitely hurting my hubby and children throughout the way. God is so good!
Thank you for the encouraging words on my blog about the pregnancy. Still pregnant :) Though midwife is having me start taking red raspberry leaves tomorrow (18 at a time, every 2 hours...yuck!) and she said I should start labor by tomorrow night or at the latest Tuesday...so we'll see. Will keep you updated! I hope you are still feeling back to normal with your little baby growing within you :)
meg
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