May the Lord bless you and keep you; may He make his face to shine on you and be gracious to you; may He lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.
A 2002 article in New Scientist proclaimed that modern women in the UK were facing breast cancer rates as high as those of childless nuns in the nineteenth century and said,Western women could reduce their breast cancer risk by nearly 60 per cent if they returned to pre-industrial levels of fertility and breastfeeding….For each child a woman has, her risk of the disease declines by 7.0 per cent. On top of this, for every year that she breast feeds, her risk declines by 4.3 per cent.
So how does this work? Why would a “return to pre-industrial fertility” help save women’s lives? Why is it that any decrease in childbearing, or postponement of childbearing increases your breast cancer risk? It’s because estrogen itself is a carcinogen. Every month a woman has a menstrual cycle, she is exposing herself to estrogen. That’s dangerous any time it happens, but it’s worse if she hasn’t had a full term pregnancy yet. This is why delaying childbearing “until you and your husband have gotten to know each other,” or “until you get your career established,” is actually risky business. The earlier you have your first baby, the lower your breast cancer risk. According to Daniel B. Kopans, M.D., Director of the Breast Imaging Center at Massachusetts General Hospital,
…a woman who has her first full-term pregnancy by the age of 18 has about one-third the risk of developing breast cancer as a woman who has her first full-term pregnancy after age 30.
When a girl reaches puberty, her breasts start to develop, but they don’t actually finish developing until she begins making milk for her first baby. The immature breasts of a woman who has not yet gone through pregnancy and breastfeeding are composed of type 1 and 2 lobules. (A lobule is a milk duct and several milk producing glands around it.) In fact, 70% of this woman’s breast tissue is type 1. Type 1 lobules are the most susceptible to breast cancer. 80% of breast cancers are formed in Type 1 lobules. 10% form in type 2 lobules. When women reach the last eight weeks of their first full term pregnancy, at least 70% of their breast tissue matures to type 3 lobules, and then when they begin nursing, their breasts fill with milk and become type 4 lobules. Type 3 and 4 lobules are cancer resistant. The sooner a woman’s breast tissue matures to type 3 and 4 lobules, the safer she will be from breast cancer because she will have exposed her cancer-vulnerable, immature breasts to fewer menstrual cycles, and therefore fewer onslaughts of estrogen. And the more babies she has, the more lobules will mature. (For more information, click here and read the excellent FAQ.)The Lord never ceases to amaze me! Its incredible the way that He designed our bodies to naturally be protected just by following His blessing of "be fruitful and multiply"!
But not only do many women delay and/or decrease childbearing, they do so through hormonal contraception (like the Pill), which contains steroidal estrogen. And while it is claimed that estrogen given with progesterone (as it always is in hormonal birth control) is not dangerous, there have been numerous studies linking hormonal contraception with increased breast cancer risk. A Mayo clinic meta-analysis of 23 studies found that 21implied increased risk, and combining the studies gave an estimated 44% increase in pre-menopausal breast cancer risk in women who used the Pill before their first full term pregnancy. The World Health Organization, in its own studies, found the risk to be slightly lower (24%), but still high enough to be scary, to me anyway. (Read more here. Click on “Girls on Steroids”)
Let's be willing to say it like it is: as moms of young children, the best place for us to be is at home.
That's just the truth. One can find all sorts of arguments about having the right to be elsewhere, exceptions (a widowed or abused single mom) and more, but the overarching, general truth is -- and we all know it -- children are happiest and best raised when mom is home with them and engaged in their daily lives.
It's strange that it's politically incorrect to say that moms are needed. At home. To be there for their children.
No one has a problem with a boss who says things like, "Jim is the reason for this company's success." Or, "Sandy holds this office together." No one gripes and says it's demeaning for a worker to be needed in their job. So why is there a cultural problem with saying that moms are needed by their children? It's the truth. And, interestingly, that is what God tells young women that they need to learn: to be "working at home", loving their children.
It can be good to attend a ladies' Bible study. It can be beneficial to be a part of a co-op or playgroup. It can be wonderful to get together with a friend. But on the whole, more often than not, young moms should be at home. God has given the privilege of conceiving, birthing, and nursing children to young women, and it is only for a season.
BUT "THEY" SAY...
"They" are always saying all sorts of things, aren't they? There are an abounding number of loud voices telling us that we "need" to get out... that we can't be mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually satisfied and stimulated at home... that our self-worth depends on having individual aims that are separate and distinct from who we are and what we do in our homes. And all too often, we believe it.
Some take it so far to say that if we have a brain, we ought to be using it for society. That other people can raise our children for us (because that's mindless work), so that we can contribute to the surrounding community (as though raising hard-working, honest, God-fearing children isn't a significant contribution). But even without these feminist notions in our brains, we still hear the common refrain: "You need to get out of the house more." Even within very godly circles, young moms can easily feel that what they are doing in their daily lives at home is not really the most faithful, godly thing they could be doing.
But what kind of world is it, really, where women are encouraged to feel negatively about being home with the very people who need them most? Where women are encouraged to get away from moments that bring great joy and delight? Where women are made to feel that their minds are only fully used outside the home? Where women are made to feel guilty when they choose to use their intellect and passion to infuse the minds of the next generation with a strong moral foundation, good common sense, and a broad, wise understanding of the world around them?
It is lousy, unbiblical advice that encourages women to abandon the God-appointed place of their sanctification and usefulness to Him. And for young moms, generally, that place is in the home.
OUR HOMES-- IN THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF IT
Our homes ought not be run according to the principles, wisdom, and priorities of the world. Even as Christians, this is an easy trap to fall into.
Sometimes it's difficult... minister's wives, for example, may be pressured or expected to take on more than they should while having young children at home. Young mothers who display any sort of spiritual depth will likely be asked to teach Sunday school classes, head up ministries, or contribute time and energy to "good" things. Young moms are often actively encouraged to join groups like MOPS, scrapbooking clubs, ladies' Bible studies, or other fine and fun activities.
It can be hard to discern what God wants us to do when other people are so vocal in telling us what we "need" to be doing. It may require that we learn to say "no". We may need to learn to graciously but unapologetically stand up for what God reveals in His word-- that God's general plan for young moms is to be doing the basics-- loving their husbands, loving their children, exercising self-control, living purely, and working at home, offering kindness to others and submission to their own husbands. It's not popular, but following God almost never is.
And sometimes you can even get lambasted for it by other Christians... that you need to be doing "more". Sometimes it is the very people who ought to be encouraging us to stay home-- the "older women" mentioned in Titus 2-- that ask or encourage us to be away from our homes. But regardless of who's doing the asking, we need to take to heart the things that God would have us learn and do as younger women, and implement these things into our lives.
DISCIPLING DAILY
When you are discipling little souls and training them to love Jesus while wiping their noses, tying their shoes, and cutting their meat into smaller bites, you ARE "doing more". It is a HUGE thing to be daily in contact with one or more young disciples that you are loving and training up in their faith. It is a HUGE thing to be available to answer their queries, tell them a Bible story, listen to lengthy explanations about the purpose of a new toy creation, or to pray with them at night when they are scared. It is a HUGE thing to be, daily and hourly, earning the trust and respect of a little person, so that they might later all the more fully trust and respect Christ.
It is a HUGE thing to "just" spend time with your children. Christ Himself spent three entire years with 12 grown men and some of them still took a while to really get it. And let's not forget that it wasn't all miracles and parables... sometimes, Jesus & His disciples were just sitting around eating fish, or taking a nap in the hull of a ship.
We as moms are given (Lord willing, if we are blessed to watch them grow into adulthood) potentially 18-20 years of daily interaction with our children. We are privileged to pray for and with them, "study" them-- learning their personality, their strengths & weaknesses, their skills, their interests-- and, in so doing, offer wise guidance as counsel as they grow, and serve them with kind affection. Spending time together, watching, teaching, learning, and loving-- these are no small things.
Should I strive to "get out of the house more"?
Sometimes I struggle here, particularly in an overseas setting-- I want to be able to communicate with my neighbors better. I wish I had more time for Turkish study. I would enjoy being able to share deeper things and communicate more clearly, instead of at a toddler-level of communication in this language. There is a natural pull there for me.
And sometimes, well-meaning others even give me that oft-offered advice, "you should get out of the house more". I know that from the outside, mine seems like a very cloistered life.
But right now, I have four small children... four little people I get to communicate with every single day. Four souls that I can impact and disciple every single day. Three men and one woman who I can begin influencing and shaping right now. I am doing big things and changing the world by discipling those that God has put into my immediate sphere of influence. And it's a job no one else can do in the way that God has equipped me to do.
Whether or not the world salutes it, whether or not the Christians around us value it, there is high value and eternal significance to this work of motherhood.
IT'S A BIG JOB... AND I WANT TO DO IT!
Day-in, day-out motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Our culture whispers lies about it, saying it's easy, insignificant, or that anyone can do it. But the difficulty of it lies in the facts about it-- very few do it for the long-haul, and even fewer do it well.
I want to be one that crosses the finish line with exuberance. One that struggles through even the hardest of times with God's peace and joy, and thankfully walks through the good times. One who is a reliable, rock-solid source of comfort, strength, wisdom, and encouragement (all drawn from the wells of God's word) for my husband and children. One that doesn't come up with excuses of why I am the exception in God's plan for younger women. One who yields to the demands of the Potter who knows much better than I do what I was made for... I am striving to be a young mom who says, "yes, Lord. Yes. Here am I. Use me."
What I found yesterday after telling everyone to get ready for reading!
1. I can't wear nailpolish on my fingers. I can wear it on my toes fine, but if I wear it on my fingers, I feel like I'm suffocating!I'm supposed to tag other people, but in the past few tags/memes I've done, I've tagged about everyone I know... so... I'll leave this open for anyone who might want to join in!
2. My "career goal" up until I got married was to breed and train horses, and I was pursuing an Equine Business Management degree.
3. Michael and my first apartment was above a show horse barn where I worked - we had a balcony off the bedroom that looked over the stalls!
4. My dad picked my name for me with the intention that it could not be made into any nicknames. Unfortunately, it turns out that names that don't have natural nicknames are easy prey for unnatural nicknames - just ask Michael, who loves to make them up for me ;-)
5. In my teenage years I thought it would be cool to give my firstborn son the first name of "Harley" and the middle name of "Davidson"... I think Michael, Isaac and I (and probably many others) are all thankful that I didn't follow through on that!
6. My favorite part of pregnancy is labor. I'm not some weird sadist, I just really enjoy the challenge and excitement of it, and the beauty of the way God designed life to come into the world. I'm also terrible at waiting, so when labor finally starts, I know I get to meet my new little one soon!
7. I only like Dark Chocolate. Milk Chocolate is way too sweet for my taste! Unless its mixed with something, like, say, peanuts or peanut butter!
P.S. - We're trying to keep it a secret from the boys until she can come home with us (around New Year's), so if you happen to talk to them... shhhh...! ;-)
...That new order is a far cry from the notion of self-acceptance which has taken hold of the minds of many Christians. Any message which makes the Cross redundant is anti-Christian. The original sin, pride, is behind my "poor self-image," for I felt that I deserved better than I got, which is exactly what Eve felt! So it was pride, not poor self-image, that had to go. If I'm so beautiful and lovable, what was Jesus doing up there, nailed to the cross and crowned with thorns? Why all that hideous suffering for the pure Son of God? Here's why: There was no other way to deliver us from the hell of our own proud self-loving selves, no other way out of the bondage of self-pity and self-congratulation. How shall we take our stand beneath the cross of Jesus and continue to love the selves that put Him there? How can we survey the wondrous cross and at the same time feed our pride? No. It won't work. Jesus put it simply: If you want to be My disciple, you must leave self behind, take up the cross, and follow Me.(If you would like to receive daily devotionals from Elizabeth Elliot, this website is where you can sign up for them (scroll down a bit to find them). I have been so blessed by her insight and thoughts on the Word of God, and would highly recommend them!)
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I have to tell you that even though I have been at home now for over a year, I am again struggling with the homemaker’s role. I am ashamed to say that I am not doing as well in this area as I should be. I have sensed the Lord’s tug at my heart on this issue for quite some time, and your call has finally bought it to a head.I see the issue is not about any false thinking I was led to believe as a young girl, or my lack of a proper role model, or any criticism I received. The issue is my heart toward my Savior. My heart has stopped desiring to serve and please Jesus.
That is the crux of the issue, ladies. When it comes to homemaking, it’s not how skillful a cook you are or how skillful a seamstress you are. It’s the heart for serving and pleasing Jesus—and doing that in the context of a home so that you can bless and encourage primarily your own family, but also others from the base of your home.
...This is not to say you have to love cleaning toilets, and making lunches for your family every day of the year. Anything that is that routine can get old. In the next character quality we’re going to look at, we’re going to see what helps keep that joy fresh and alive. What helps keep the heart alive in the midst of so many routine and mundane aspects of homemaking?
I don’t want to romanticize something that is just plain hard work and being faithful. The same thing is true of your husband’s job in many points. In my experience, any job has about 70-80 percent grunt work. And then you get the rest of it, which is the glory, the benefits, and the happy moments.
It’s the shaping of character. Since Genesis 3, we work—and we work with thorns, thistles, and hard labor because of the fall. But we do these things in light of a redeeming God who makes work something of worth and an act of worship.
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Now I want to paint for us in very broad and brief strokes a portrait of a woman all of us are familiar with, a woman who is working at home. You know her as the Proverbs 31 woman.
I want to take just a few moments to read through a portion of that passage and then to make a few comments about it. Those of you who’ve been with us for a while know that we’ve taught through Proverbs 31 and taken several weeks to do that in the past. That series, called The Counter-cultural Woman, is available through our resource center.
But I want, in just a few minutes here, to give you a bird’s-eye view of this passage—and for us to see some of the qualities and characteristics of a woman who is faithful in working at home.
...
So let me read this passage, Proverbs 31, beginning in verse 10:
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (verses 10-12).
The rest of the passage is a description of how she does that. How does she do him good and not harm every day? What is it that she does to live out her life in such a way that he knows he can trust her? What is it that makes her an excellent wife? How do you flesh out the details?
As I continue reading beginning in verse 13, note what are some of the enduring qualities—not so much the specific tasks, but the enduring qualities that they represent in this woman?
She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it (verses 13-16).
By the way, some of these phrases are such that the evangelical feminist movement has made the Proverbs 31 woman an icon for the evangelical feminist position. If you’ll get our Proverbs 31 series on The Counter-cultural Woman, you’ll hear me go phrase by phrase though this passage, and you can see that this woman is primarily a domestic woman. She is a keeper at home. She’s a worker at home.
Verse 16: “With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” Then skip down to verse 18: “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle” (verses 18-19). There’s a lot in this passage about her working with her hands; it’s an honorable thing.
She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant” (verses 21-24).
Look down at verse 27: “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” That’s really a key verse here; that’s at the heart of this. In doing these tasks, she’s not trying to win the “homemaker of the year” award. She’s looking well to the ways of her household. In order to do that, she has to be diligent.
Verse 30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain”—it’s fleeting; it’s empty; it’s shallow; it doesn’t last—“but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (verses 30-31).
Just a few observations—and these are things you’re familiar with, but let me restate them. I think they matter for us, as women trying to be Titus 2 women.
Notice, first of all, where is her husband? He’s in the gates among the elders in the land. He is the one who is involved—and you can read this in the first part of Proverbs 31—in justice issues, in the making of laws, and as a breadwinner for the family. He is in the gates.
Where is the woman primarily? Where is her focus and her base of operations? It’s in and around her home and the family estate. This woman assumes responsibility for the practical care and needs of her husband and her children.
Now that doesn’t mean that the husband is not engaged at all in those things. It doesn’t mean if he uses the vacuum cleaner or puts the dishes in the dishwasher that there’s anything wrong with that. But it means she assumes primary responsibility for the management of the home and its affairs.
You see in this woman—and I think this is one of the things that makes her so beautiful—that she lives an others-centered life. She’s got a servant’s heart.
You see a woman who plans ahead. She knows winter is coming, and she doesn’t get caught off-guard. By the way, there’s a beautiful picture there of women preparing their children for the ultimate winter of God’s judgment and making sure that they are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus Christ—that they are spiritually prepared for hard times, for suffering, and for the ultimate judgment of God.
But just practically speaking, she doesn’t get caught off-guard. Her family is going to have clothes to take them through that season. You moms know that takes time. You see a woman here whose priorities are in order, whose life is in order.
You almost wonder if this is too perfect a picture. Did she ever have days when everything was off-kilter? Of course she did. But her priorities and her life were in order, and that made things fall together better.
You see a woman who has time-management skills, who knows how to use her time wisely. You see a woman who is not lazy. She’s working long days, long hours, late at night and early in the morning. She’s willing to do that because it’s part of her calling.
It was part of my calling last night to be up late and to be up again early this morning getting ready for this session. I don’t love going on four and a half hours of sleep, and I don’t think that’s a thing that God intends for us to do on a regular basis.
But there are seasons of a woman’s life when—whether it’s a newborn, a nursing baby, sick children, or studying for Revive Our Hearts—you do what it takes. And you can do it with a glad heart, with a surrendered heart, and without resentment if you know that this is part of God’s calling for your life. If it’s God’s calling, then you know He gives you grace for whatever He calls you to do.
She’s a woman who is diligent, not lazy. She’s organized. This can make women who are known as “messies,” as we’ve heard it said, feel very defeated, very discouraged.
Let me just say that some women are more naturally wired to be administrative, to be organizational, and some are more creative and artistic. There are different personalities; there’s no sin in that.
But if you need help becoming more orderly and organized and fulfilling these responsibilities, don’t be too proud to ask. Go to an older woman or a woman who has those particular gifts and say, “Would you help me in getting some of this mess in our house organized, or my time structured?”
There are people who’ve been further down the road and can give hints and tips—not so you can have a perfectly ordered life, but so your life can represent the order and the beauty of who God is and of the gospel.
Here’s a woman who has financial management and budgeting skills. She’s not going to drive her family into debt. She’s thrifty; she’s frugal. Her work in the home is generating income as a result of her creativity, her diligence, and her hard work. She looks for good deals. She doesn’t spend money she doesn’t have, and she’s content with what God provides.
What a huge difference would that make in many of our lives. What’s it all rooted in? She’s a woman who fears the Lord. She has a reverential awe of God. She does this for Him. This is not for self. This is not for looking good. This is not for comparison.
Don’t we women tend to compare? We look at others and think, “Oh, she makes it look so easy, and my life is so . . .” Don’t compare your life to somebody else’s. Just say, “Lord, I want to be a woman who fears You, who loves You with all my heart, and who lives out the mandate of the gospel for me to be working at home and fulfilling my home responsibilities.”
Particularly women who are wives and mothers, but all of us need to say, “Lord, how can I reflect Your creativity, Your skill and orderliness, and Your beauty in the way that I practice this virtue of domesticity?”
It’s a privilege, and it’s a way that we as women can serve the Lord and others.
Isn't it beautiful?!?! I don't think I've ever owned an appliance that I've been so giddy about, other than when I got a dishwasher after 3 years of doing without ;-) I cannot even express how EXCITED I am!!! Of course, I did promise Michael that if I ever got a mixer, I'd make his favorite bread all the time... and I look very forward to living up to that promise! Yummm... quick and easy homemade bread!! Tonight we're trying it out with pizza dough - Isaac's almost as excited as I am! What a blessed woman I am - I am so, so grateful!
If I identify myself as the culture does, as a “stay at home Mom”, one who has no intellectual contribution, gross-national product contribution or status symbol contribution, I become just that: a woman who sees herself as one who has grunted and groaned out another human being and now stays behind her four walls, in self-imposed seclusion. Not much of a vision there---it actually sounds strangely psychotic.
If I deem myself as a woman employed by the Creator of everything ever created, as on work assignment in a sacred domain for the sculpting of souls that will exist forever and forever without end, I have a burning passion of purpose. And a paycheck that is said to be beyond what eye or ear can even comprehend!
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