The Heart of Things

I have confessed before how homemaking is a struggle for me. I am not, naturally, nor was I taught to be, a "Susie Homemaker". I have had to learn the large majority of my domestic skills (the few I have) through "on-the-job training". I know how to clean... but the motivation is often lacking. I know the basics of menu planning, frugal shopping, cooking, and time management, but could devote myself to doing much better. I don't know much at all about decorating, sewing, or other activities that could serve to make my house much more homey and welcoming, but often think it wouldn't be worth the effort to learn. Much of the time, I do simply what needs to be done to get by, instead of understanding that this sphere of home is part of my ministry to my family and others.

The Lord is always faithful, however, in gently leading His sheep where He wants them. Over the past few weeks, He's been showing me the areas in which I've been lacking. Not through crippling condemnation, but gentle tugs here and there on my heart, struggles that pop up occasionally caused specifically by my lack of organization or cleanliness, comments from my sweet ones, through His Word, and through the words of other Godly women, as well.

One of these that really hit my heart was a recent broadcast on the topic of being a Titus 2 woman by Nancy Leigh DeMoss at Revive Our Hearts. The entire transcript can be found here, but these are the parts that really stood out to me and convicted me. It started out with Nancy speaking about an email she received from a friend who had been through some struggles directly related to her lack of having a heart for home, so the first part is quoted from that. The words in red the ones that went straight to my heart! Oh, the truth of them was stinging! But the change His truth brings about in the heart is worth the humbling. While my flesh so often fights against it, it really is so freeing to surrender and grab hold of God's vision and purpose for me as a woman!

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I have to tell you that even though I have been at home now for over a year, I am again struggling with the homemaker’s role. I am ashamed to say that I am not doing as well in this area as I should be. I have sensed the Lord’s tug at my heart on this issue for quite some time, and your call has finally bought it to a head.

I see the issue is not about any false thinking I was led to believe as a young girl, or my lack of a proper role model, or any criticism I received. The issue is my heart toward my Savior. My heart has stopped desiring to serve and please Jesus.

That is the crux of the issue, ladies. When it comes to homemaking, it’s not how skillful a cook you are or how skillful a seamstress you are. It’s the heart for serving and pleasing Jesus—and doing that in the context of a home so that you can bless and encourage primarily your own family, but also others from the base of your home.

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This is not to say you have to love cleaning toilets, and making lunches for your family every day of the year. Anything that is that routine can get old. In the next character quality we’re going to look at, we’re going to see what helps keep that joy fresh and alive. What helps keep the heart alive in the midst of so many routine and mundane aspects of homemaking?

I don’t want to romanticize something that is just plain hard work and being faithful. The same thing is true of your husband’s job in many points. In my experience, any job has about 70-80 percent grunt work. And then you get the rest of it, which is the glory, the benefits, and the happy moments.

It’s the shaping of character. Since Genesis 3, we work—and we work with thorns, thistles, and hard labor because of the fall. But we do these things in light of a redeeming God who makes work something of worth and an act of worship.

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Now I want to paint for us in very broad and brief strokes a portrait of a woman all of us are familiar with, a woman who is working at home. You know her as the Proverbs 31 woman.

I want to take just a few moments to read through a portion of that passage and then to make a few comments about it. Those of you who’ve been with us for a while know that we’ve taught through Proverbs 31 and taken several weeks to do that in the past. That series, called The Counter-cultural Woman, is available through our resource center.

But I want, in just a few minutes here, to give you a bird’s-eye view of this passage—and for us to see some of the qualities and characteristics of a woman who is faithful in working at home.

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So let me read this passage, Proverbs 31, beginning in verse 10:

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (verses 10-12).

The rest of the passage is a description of how she does that. How does she do him good and not harm every day? What is it that she does to live out her life in such a way that he knows he can trust her? What is it that makes her an excellent wife? How do you flesh out the details?

As I continue reading beginning in verse 13, note what are some of the enduring qualities—not so much the specific tasks, but the enduring qualities that they represent in this woman?

She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it (verses 13-16).

By the way, some of these phrases are such that the evangelical feminist movement has made the Proverbs 31 woman an icon for the evangelical feminist position. If you’ll get our Proverbs 31 series on The Counter-cultural Woman, you’ll hear me go phrase by phrase though this passage, and you can see that this woman is primarily a domestic woman. She is a keeper at home. She’s a worker at home.

Verse 16: “With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” Then skip down to verse 18: “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle” (verses 18-19). There’s a lot in this passage about her working with her hands; it’s an honorable thing.

She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant” (verses 21-24).

Look down at verse 27: “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” That’s really a key verse here; that’s at the heart of this. In doing these tasks, she’s not trying to win the “homemaker of the year” award. She’s looking well to the ways of her household. In order to do that, she has to be diligent.

Verse 30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain”—it’s fleeting; it’s empty; it’s shallow; it doesn’t last—“but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (verses 30-31).

Just a few observations—and these are things you’re familiar with, but let me restate them. I think they matter for us, as women trying to be Titus 2 women.

Notice, first of all, where is her husband? He’s in the gates among the elders in the land. He is the one who is involved—and you can read this in the first part of Proverbs 31—in justice issues, in the making of laws, and as a breadwinner for the family. He is in the gates.

Where is the woman primarily? Where is her focus and her base of operations? It’s in and around her home and the family estate. This woman assumes responsibility for the practical care and needs of her husband and her children.

Now that doesn’t mean that the husband is not engaged at all in those things. It doesn’t mean if he uses the vacuum cleaner or puts the dishes in the dishwasher that there’s anything wrong with that. But it means she assumes primary responsibility for the management of the home and its affairs.

You see in this woman—and I think this is one of the things that makes her so beautiful—that she lives an others-centered life. She’s got a servant’s heart.

You see a woman who plans ahead. She knows winter is coming, and she doesn’t get caught off-guard. By the way, there’s a beautiful picture there of women preparing their children for the ultimate winter of God’s judgment and making sure that they are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus Christ—that they are spiritually prepared for hard times, for suffering, and for the ultimate judgment of God.

But just practically speaking, she doesn’t get caught off-guard. Her family is going to have clothes to take them through that season. You moms know that takes time. You see a woman here whose priorities are in order, whose life is in order.

You almost wonder if this is too perfect a picture. Did she ever have days when everything was off-kilter? Of course she did. But her priorities and her life were in order, and that made things fall together better.

You see a woman who has time-management skills, who knows how to use her time wisely. You see a woman who is not lazy. She’s working long days, long hours, late at night and early in the morning. She’s willing to do that because it’s part of her calling.

It was part of my calling last night to be up late and to be up again early this morning getting ready for this session. I don’t love going on four and a half hours of sleep, and I don’t think that’s a thing that God intends for us to do on a regular basis.

But there are seasons of a woman’s life when—whether it’s a newborn, a nursing baby, sick children, or studying for Revive Our Hearts—you do what it takes. And you can do it with a glad heart, with a surrendered heart, and without resentment if you know that this is part of God’s calling for your life. If it’s God’s calling, then you know He gives you grace for whatever He calls you to do.

She’s a woman who is diligent, not lazy. She’s organized. This can make women who are known as “messies,” as we’ve heard it said, feel very defeated, very discouraged.

Let me just say that some women are more naturally wired to be administrative, to be organizational, and some are more creative and artistic. There are different personalities; there’s no sin in that.

But if you need help becoming more orderly and organized and fulfilling these responsibilities, don’t be too proud to ask. Go to an older woman or a woman who has those particular gifts and say, “Would you help me in getting some of this mess in our house organized, or my time structured?”

There are people who’ve been further down the road and can give hints and tips—not so you can have a perfectly ordered life, but so your life can represent the order and the beauty of who God is and of the gospel.

Here’s a woman who has financial management and budgeting skills. She’s not going to drive her family into debt. She’s thrifty; she’s frugal. Her work in the home is generating income as a result of her creativity, her diligence, and her hard work. She looks for good deals. She doesn’t spend money she doesn’t have, and she’s content with what God provides.

What a huge difference would that make in many of our lives. What’s it all rooted in? She’s a woman who fears the Lord. She has a reverential awe of God. She does this for Him. This is not for self. This is not for looking good. This is not for comparison.

Don’t we women tend to compare? We look at others and think, “Oh, she makes it look so easy, and my life is so . . .” Don’t compare your life to somebody else’s. Just say, “Lord, I want to be a woman who fears You, who loves You with all my heart, and who lives out the mandate of the gospel for me to be working at home and fulfilling my home responsibilities.”

Particularly women who are wives and mothers, but all of us need to say, “Lord, how can I reflect Your creativity, Your skill and orderliness, and Your beauty in the way that I practice this virtue of domesticity?”

It’s a privilege, and it’s a way that we as women can serve the Lord and others.