Nathan Speaks Out

I had shared this message from Nathan on a message board I'm a member of, but decided that maybe all of blogger world should be made aware, as well. This happened a few months ago, and Nathan has still not recovered from the trauma - I fear he may be terrified of man-sized robins forever.

Nathan wants me to spread the word:

"Do NOT go out to eat at Red Robin restaurants. It is potentially life-threatening, and at the least, psychologically damaging to young children. The food is excellent, but not worth the trauma I experienced. I will share it with you.

We went out last night as a surprise from my daddy. We ordered the usual hamburgers and french fries, and I got some cantaloupe to gnaw on. All was well and good, until the THING appeared. This THING was the most horrifying THING I have ever witnessed in my entire life of 13 months. Absolutely terrifying. It was the size of a grown up person, but it had the appearance of a bright red, overly cheerful.... BIRD. Its beak was big enough to swallow me and other small children whole, and abnormally bright yellow. It waved its wing at me as it passed by, quite obviously a threat to my existence. I did my best to alert every other diner in the restaurant of this threat to their and their children's lives - I screamed, very loudly and repeatedly.

My mom tried to rescue me, but all she did was take me to the bathroom. I insisted to be put down and tried to RUN away, screaming, but I could not find my way out of the bathroom. My mom made me stay in the bathroom until I got a grip on myself, and only then did we emerge cautiously, looking every direction for the wretched thing.

Apparently, I did a decent job of scaring it away, as it did not appear for the rest of the night. I was not to be fooled, though, so I refused to sit back in my highchair where it saw me last, and instead hid in the booth between my mom and dad.

Please, do not submit your children to the dangers and terrors of this child eating, man-sized, bright red robin. I can only assume that the restaurant by the name of Red Robin is really a cover-up for its operations and it makes me wonder just what kind of hamburgers my family so readily enjoyed.

However, they do give out balloons to the children who manage to make it out alive, which is a decent reward."

As this was a few months ago, he has an update:

"My parents must be trying to get rid of me, as they continue to frequent this horrifying place. However, I have only seen the monstrous beast once more, and it does seem that screaming at it sufficiently scares it away. In fact, the past few times we have been to this place, I have not seen it at all, which makes me think its evil deeds have finally come to light and it has met its demise. It has been wonderful to be able to relax and enjoy my tasty meal without fearing for my life, as the food is quite good."