Harder than it seems

As I've mentioned before, I am committed to serving the Lord through serving my husband and family. At least, I like to think I am. Saying that is easy. Doing that is much, much harder. I cannot do it according to my own determination. My focus, instead of being on what can "I" do, needs to be grounded in what can Christ do through me, in my full submission to Him.

Here's a small, but revealing experience I recently went through. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we finished our school year and are taking a few weeks off to reorganize. Part of that reorganizing is looking over my current schedule and seeing where it needs tweaking. In the past, I struggle over this burden on my own, and after a few days, emerge with a basic outline, which I show Michael. Michael will look it over, say "looks good!" and on I go.

This time, the Lord told me not to do it on my own. Michael, as the head of our home, needs to be more involved in our daily planning, and I need that accountability and to deepen my dependence upon him in that way. Often I get irritated when he "interrupts" my perfectly laid out plans - a fault, I now see, that demonstrates that I feel "in control" of this area of my life.

So we sat down to go over everything. Michael gave many suggestions - and I am humbled to admit that I argued with all of them! I thought the things he suggested we add to our day as wasteful, and the things he suggested we remove from our day as essential! Why couldn't he see things MY way?! We didn't argue, but we shared some frustrations and decided to call it a night and try again tomorrow.

I went to the Lord and said "Lord, please help him to see what's important in our day!" and the Lord said to me "Why are you afraid to trust? Did I not give you this man to lead, guide and protect you?" and immediately 1 Peter 3:6 came to mind - "just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."

I had given into fear, and lost sight of the fact that the Lord created Michael for the purpose of leading and guiding our family! My faith doesn't rest in if Michael is making the right decision for us, it rests in God and His appointment of Michael as our leader. I have to ground my trust in the Lord, believing that His plans all have purpose, even if I don't necessarily understand them myself.

My job is to submit to the Lord and His purposes... and above all else... trust. Hebrews 11:6 reminds us "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Praise the Lord!!

P.S. When we reconvened the next evening, I apologized to Michael and confessed my lack of faith, and submitted myself to him. Things went significantly better (beyond comparison, actually!) and we are ready to start our new school year with a wonderful schedule in place! And for the record, all of Michael's requests stood firm ;-)