A Year

Its been a year since she went home. This is a picture of the last time we saw her smile, shared her laughter, hugged her hard to say goodbye. But not hard enough. We didn't cherish the moment like we could have, we didn't linger and express the love we should have. How could we have known?
Something about this picture is so touching to me - the way she is elusive... there, but not - looking toward something else, somewhere else, just as she is today.

This past year has been one of such... change for me. I've known death before, through the loss of grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents of friends... but this was my first real taste of mourning. My naivete was stripped from me, and I was laid bare to the harsh realities of this world. I have, at times, felt foolish, for the way I never knew how much loss hurts.

Its hard to believe an entire year has already passed. So many memories are still so fresh, and still painful. Over time, I am trying to replace the last memories... the ones of that night, when the phones rang, that week of tears, food, people everywhere, that day of sunshine and wind when the earth was opened and the casket was lowered down.... with earlier memories, the memories of her life - her laughter, her voice, her smile, and the love she freely poured out on everyone. But even those memories are bittersweet. We miss her.

Here is a photobook I made to try to capture some of the memories - it is but a small portion.

I thought I had many more things to write, but I think for now, I will leave it as that. Thank you to all of you who have upheld us in kind words and deeds, prayers and love, in the past year.