Clarifications

I wanted to discuss more of what I mentioned in the below post (Promises), regarding the Christian "self-help" mindset. Why does it bother me so? Well, first, because it so clearly imitates the world (Romans 12:2), but also because it is so self-focused. As Christians, we are to be others-focused. Jesus said the greatest commands (the whole Torah summed up, actually) are to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:28-31). Some might say "well, you can't love your neighbor until you love yourself" but that's not what Scripture says. Loving ourselves is inherent - we do it naturally. Even those with "low self-esteem" still have self-love - in the times when I have felt as if my "self-esteem" was "low", my pride and self-focus were still high - in fact, those two things often contribute to "low self-esteem" - thinking about yourself too much, even if it is in negative ways! Our flesh is constantly searching for ways to more love itself.

I will say, however, that as Christians, there is one true way to really "love" ourselves. Not in the fleshly, worldly ways that are usually suggested - (usually in the form of indulgences) but in something that seems so contrary to the idea of "self-love". How is this? Self-sacrifice. Submitting ourselves to the service and obedience of Christ. It seems that the very formula he laid out (to love God and love others) is indeed the very formula for loving ourselves!

However, I hesitate to make it that simple, because, in that, the end result is still "self". And, again, I assert, that our focus and goals in life are not to be self-oriented. They are to be God-oriented, and others-oriented. If we do things for the ultimate purpose of feeling "fulfilled", "satisfied", or even "righteous"... those are all the wrong reasons and our focus is still on ourselves. Our purpose should only be to glorify our magnificent creator, to say "less of me" and "all of You, Lord". To demonstrate His love for the world to the world - through praying, giving, reaching out, serving, showing hospitality, sharing His truth, and on and on...

Everything we do should be based in these thoughts - am I loving God by my thoughts, actions and speech? Is this glorifying Him? Am I loving others by my thoughts, actions, and speech? If there is confusion, use the Word to confirm! How do we love God? By obeying Him (John 14:15)! How do we love others? By obeying Him! He makes it very clear how we are to love others, and no where in His teachings does He ever say "focus on yourself first". His own life demonstrated a life of complete obedience to the Lord and service to others, even His enemies.

Once we get into the mindset of asking ourselves those questions about our life and the decisions we make, following the Lord loses many of its struggles and confusions. For example, let's look at the issue of modesty. The Word tells us to be modest, but not exactly what the standards of modesty are. So when we dress, instead of asking ourselves "Do I feel good in what I am wearing? Do I think I look pretty and attractive?" Instead, what we can ask ourselves are things like "Is what I am wearing harming my witness? Am I loving others by respecting my husband and other men out there by not being too tempting to outsiders by what I am or am not revealing?" and, on the other side, "Am I honoring my husband and showing the blessing of motherhood by making sure I am not going out looking like a frazzled, tired housewife all the time?" Also, in concern to issues of how we spend our free time. Is what we are watching or listening to uplifiting to the Lord and respectful and beneficial to others around us? Is how we spend leisure time helping to promote the Kingdom of God, or only fulfilling our fleshly desires and wasting the precious time God has given us? How does this benefit Him and others?

Putting our lives into the perspective of serving Him and others rather than "what's in it for me?" really makes us have to think and pray about every aspect of our lives and the decisions we make. When we are so focused on improving and serving ourselves, we limit the way God can use us to help others and we harm our witness. It sounds contrary to what the world wants us to believe, but God's way is not the world's way (Isaiah 55:8)!