Showing posts with label controversial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label controversial. Show all posts

Monday, January 30, 2012

How My Mind was Changed (The Vaccination Debate)

I have a confession.  It isn't a huge secret if you know me personally, but since I've never really discussed it openly here, I thought I'd bring it up.  I am one of "those" parents - I go against the grain and mainstream medical advice, and... do not vaccinate my children.  I wasn't always of the anti-vaccination mindset.  In fact, I can easily remember a time about 7 years ago when I thought non-vaccinating parents were endangering their children, foolish, and acting out of fear.  Because I have been on both sides of the issue, I know this can be a very heated topic for parents to discuss.

Anytime we, as parents, make a decision that we believe is in the best interest of our children, and it comes under fire, there is a protective irritation that rises up!  And, honestly, both sides of the argument have judgmental and extreme supporters who can be offensive at times.  My goal is to simply explain my transformation without any offense of judgement toward parents who have chosen differently.

It started out very slowly.  My oldest two children are almost entirely vaccinated.  When Ezra (#2) was born, we refused the Hepatitis B shot they give newborns in the hospital (questioning the need to vaccinate a newborn against a sexually transmitted disease) and were surprised at the fight we had to put up to stop it from happening.  When Joel (#3) was at the age to get the Chicken Pox vaccine, I faced yet another battle when I refused that one.  I couldn't understand why there was a vaccine against a common and relatively benign childhood illness.  Yes, I understand that it is no fun to see our children sick, but I also don't see the need to try to live in an entirely sterile, germ and illness-free world.  It's not realistic, and neither do I believe that it is actually healthy!  I believe the immune system is wonderfully designed by God to grow strong naturally.

When his pediatrician gave me a long, dramatic lecture about the horrible dangers of Chicken Pox and why it was negligent of me to not vaccinate my child against it, her strong reaction started to make me wonder.  (This was the same pediatrician who, a few months later, told me I would have to wean Joel when he got to be a year old.  We stopped seeing her after that, needless to say!)  At that point, I started really looking into the vaccine issue.

I knew a few people in real life who didn't vaccinate, as well as friends on-line.  As I mentioned before, up until that point, I thought they were foolish not to be vaccinating!  But many of them said, "Do the research and see what you find."  I had to admit - I hadn't done the research.  I read the fact sheets that my pediatrician handed out at each appointment, but that was it.  So I really had no argument to support my choice, based on my own research.

At first, the research was really difficult.  Many anti-vaccination websites are very extreme - exaggerating claims and playing on fear.  That bugged me a lot, because I wanted facts, not emotionally-driven half-truths.  So I decided to research where I felt the information would be more helpful in proving my position in choosing to vaccinate - the website of CDC itself.  Ironically, the one place I went to try to support my decision is the one place that ended up changing my mind!

The CDC is very open - it has pages that list each ingredient of each vaccine produced by each manufacturer.  In my years of motherhood, (and especially having an allergy-stricken child) I had become a very careful food-label reader.  I tried to avoid as many artificial ingredients as possible - MSG, hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, and so on.  However, it had never once occurred to me to look into what I was allowing to be injected into my childrens' bodies!  When I came across this list, and this list... my heart sank.

Formaldehyde? Ethylene glycol (the poisonous stuff in anti-freeze!)? Mouse serum? Monkey Kidney Tissue? MRC-5 (cells from tissue of an aborted fetus?!) 

These are all things I would not ever, ever introduce to my children's diet... why was I allowing them to be injected directly into their bloodstream, bypassing the protective digestive system all together?
At that point, after discussing it in depth with my husband and praying about it, we decided to hold off on vaccines for a time being.  When Nathan (#4) was born, I believed we would just "selectively" vaccinate - meaning, choose the ones we thought the risk of the disease outweighed the risk of the vaccine.  A wonderful, very centered book on this topic is "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Robert Sears (Dr. William Sears' son).  It discusses every vaccine on the market today, it's risks, and the chance of catching along with the risks of each disease the vaccines are for.

We continued to discuss, and to wait...  and now, 6 years later, with three children who have been completely not vaccinated, I've had to admit to myself - I'm am not a delayed vaccinator, nor a selective one - I am a non-vaccinator.  That does not mean I will never, ever vaccinate, or that I think we should all live in hippy communes and run around naked!  No, I am an average parent, prayerfully trying to make the best decisions for my children that I can, as I know most every other parent out there is, too!

You see, I do believe that vaccines are somewhat effective.  I don't enter into the argument that swirls around that line of thinking, because I don't consider myself knowledgeable enough to have a firm opinion.  But I also believe that adding all of those extra things into a child's body just can't be good, especially at a time when their own immune systems are trying hard to develop and their brains are growing tremendously.  I believe in the wonder of breastmilk and it's protective properties that God made it to have.  I believe in limiting a baby's exposure to lots and lots of other people (ie. daycare and nursery situations).  I believe in good nutrition for mama and baby, during pregnancy, nursing and weaning.

I know that by not vaccinating, I am putting my child at risk for a vaccine-preventable disease.  However, I also fully believe that when I was choosing to vaccinate, I was also putting my children at risk for numerous other problems, some more life-threatening than the disease they were trying to prevent.  I am concerned by the actions of the pharmaceutical companies - especially after reading about the repeated failures and recalls of the rotavirus vaccine, as well as the absurd amounts of complaints against the HPV vaccine.  I believe they are marketing vaccines too quickly, with too little testing, and that we, as the public, are basically the lab guinea pigs in many cases.  I know several people whose children have suffered vaccine-related injuries, and it is heartbreaking.  I also know several adults who have had adverse reactions to vaccines (most people I know will admit that the flu vaccine is ineffective or even made them sick!  Why wouldn't that carry over to other vaccines?).

I know this turned into a very long post, and if you've made it all the way to the end, I applaud you!  Thank you for taking the time to read my experience and how we got from there to here.  I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences, but please remember to keep things respectful, as I hope I have done.

(Oh, and for the record - 3 of my children have had the chicken pox. One of whom had been vaccinated against it!  And all are perfectly fine, despite the doomsday prophecies of that pediatrician.  In fact, I hope that the rest who have been born since then are able to get natural exposure somewhere in their childhood, as well, to assure lifelong immunity - which the vaccine does not give.).

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Perspective from the Persecuted

In Western Christianity, we love to argue. Debates over theological matters can quickly grow heated, leading to disassociation, name-calling, and lots of judgment flying back and forth. There are literally thousands of denominations in North America alone!

This quote, from Richard Wurmbrand's "Tortured for Christ" really put things into perspective for me:
The menace of the persecutors and the sufferings of the Underground Church are scarcely ever mentioned.

There are endless discussions about theological matters, about rituals, about nonessentials.

....

To keep liberty for all denominations and all theologies, and to regain it where it has been lost due to widespread religious persecution, is more important than to insist upon one certain theological opinion.

"The truth shall make you free" said Jesus (John 8:32). But, the same freedom, only freedom, can give the truth. And, instead of quarreling about nonessentials, we should unite in this fight for freedom against the tyrannies against the world.
Reading this book, along with others highlighting the lives of those who have been persecuted or martyred, has really given me perspective about Christianity in the Western world compared to those in countries whose freedoms are severely limited. How blessed we are!

But what do we do with the blessings of liberty that we have? Waste it on endless debates, filling ourselves with head knowledge, while people around the world suffer and die for the Christ we claim to know so much about! Why not use our freedoms to do the work of Christ, instead of wasting it on endless words about Christ, which only truly serve to puff ourselves up?

Remember what Christ said: "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) NOT "by how well you can argue your case for whatever jot or tittle of doctrine you hold most dear"! I feel, too often, we allow areas of Doctrine to become our God, our idol, rather than God Himself.

To learn how you can become more involved with the Persecuted Church around the world, please visit Voice of the Martyrs. It may change your life, or at least your outlook regarding what is truly important.

(stepping off my soapbox now!)

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wise Words

These words from Elizabeth Elliot were in my email devotional this morning, and they painted such a picture of the gospel to me. They go straight to the heart.
...That new order is a far cry from the notion of self-acceptance which has taken hold of the minds of many Christians. Any message which makes the Cross redundant is anti-Christian. The original sin, pride, is behind my "poor self-image," for I felt that I deserved better than I got, which is exactly what Eve felt! So it was pride, not poor self-image, that had to go. If I'm so beautiful and lovable, what was Jesus doing up there, nailed to the cross and crowned with thorns? Why all that hideous suffering for the pure Son of God? Here's why: There was no other way to deliver us from the hell of our own proud self-loving selves, no other way out of the bondage of self-pity and self-congratulation. How shall we take our stand beneath the cross of Jesus and continue to love the selves that put Him there? How can we survey the wondrous cross and at the same time feed our pride? No. It won't work. Jesus put it simply: If you want to be My disciple, you must leave self behind, take up the cross, and follow Me.
(If you would like to receive daily devotionals from Elizabeth Elliot, this website is where you can sign up for them (scroll down a bit to find them). I have been so blessed by her insight and thoughts on the Word of God, and would highly recommend them!)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Pro-Life

And this is why:



The first thing the Lord changed in my heart was my view on abortion. He showed me how precious all life is to Him, the creator of all life. I remember the first time I saw my first child in an ultrasound - I was 10 weeks along, and there on the screen was this perfectly formed, kicking and squirming, beautiful human child. My heart was crushed thinking that 10 weeks is often when many early abortions happen... and life is already so perfectly formed and living.

The beauty of creation is amazing, nothing less than a miracle. When people talk about it being a matter of rights, I have to wonder... whose rights are they talking about?

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.

Psalm 139:13-16

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Democracy? Republic?

I've heard the arguments - we're a democracy! no! we're a republic! But what are we really? And what are we heading towards? Here's an excerpt from the Communist Manifesto... compare it to our current policies and social programs... and ask yourself...
Nevertheless, in most advanced countries, the following will be pretty generally applicable.

1. Abolition of property in land and application of all rents of land to public purposes.

2. A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.

3. Abolition of all rights of inheritance.

4. Confiscation of the property of all emigrants and rebels.

5. Centralization of credit in the banks of the state, by means of a national bank with state capital and an exclusive monopoly.

6. Centralization of the means of communication and transport in the hands of the state.

7. Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the state; the bringing into cultivation of waste lands, and the improvement of the soil generally in accordance with a common plan.

8. Equal obligation of all to work. Establishment of industrial armies, especially for agriculture.

9. Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries; gradual abolition of all the distinction between town and country by a more equable distribution of the populace over the country.

10. Free education for all children in public schools. Abolition of children's factory labor in its present form. Combination of education with industrial production, etc.
Please compare to the founding fathers' Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. And ask yourself... what are we, really? Where are we headed?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You MUST Watch This!!

Back in May, I posted about a new documentary coming out, called Demographic Winter. I am very excited to share that it is available in its entirety on Google Video, free... and it is excellent! It is not a religious or Christian film - it was made by secular demographers, and includes research from social scientists, economists, and others who have studied population, economy, and families for many years - and the film is the conclusions their research has brought them to. It is less than an hour, and very, very eye-opening and important. Please watch, and share with everyone. When you do watch it, please leave me a note to tell me your thoughts!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Fascinating

Terry from Ornaments of Grace posted about this fascinating article that was recently run in the Washington Post. It really interested me - the basic summary is that a 30 year study has shown that men who believe in "traditional" or "complementarian" roles for men and women (meaning they are equal in value but serve different, but complimenting roles and purposes in life) make, on average, $11,000 more annually than men who believe in the "egalitarian" view (men and women are equal in value, roles, and purpose).

Terry's points, and I agree with her completely on this, is that a man who is the sole bread winner for the home, or believes he should be, has more motivation to work hard to provide, and also has more support at home (taking additional stress away from his duties, allowing him to focus on providing), than men whose wives also work. It makes pretty logical sense to me!

After reading it, I was sure to take a minute to thank my wonderful husband for being such a hard working man, dedicated to providing for us! And, of course, to thank the Lord, because Michael and I both know that His hand has been what has carried us through and provided for us, first and foremost!

Here's a direct link to Terry's blog post on the topic. If you are brave, also check out the other blog post she linked to, its a doozy!

Also, another post Terry did last week really hit the nail on the head for me, expressing what I, also, believe about the issues of salvation, the Biblical roles of men, women and family, and so on. Its important to remember what are the "hills to die on", versus doctrinal principles worth taking a stand for, and keep them in perspective! See "Where I Stand" to see what I mean. :-)

Friday, September 19, 2008

A Testimony

This is a beautiful, heart-wrenching testimony, from a young woman who survived an attempted abortion. I wept as I listened. The topic of abortion leaves me heartbroken and speechless, because of the horror and injustice of it, to both the babies it kills, and the women deceived into believing it is a "right", but ultimately are wounded by it as well. The total time of both videos together is about 15 minutes, so please take that time to listen.



Thursday, September 04, 2008

One Last Link

OK, one last link to a blog post about the upcoming election. I can't actually promise its the last, but for now, it will be. I thought this one was excellent, give it a read!

Voting in Faith at Family Reformation

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

My Thoughts - and Lots of Them!

All the buzz about Sarah Palin is everywhere... with lots of varying opinions. After much thought, I thought I'd share mine. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit opinionated ;-). I don't lean toward relativism on much of anything, I've always been an "extremes" girl, even before I was Christian. So hang in with me as I work this out.

The biggest thing about the Palin issue that is so hot-button among the conservative community has its roots in the "Mommy Wars". Should women who have young families work outside the home? Obviously, Christian women all over the place do... some by necessity, some by choice. When I look at God's Word in regards to the calling of women, I see that home and family are to be priorities, main focuses. I would think it difficult to say "Well, I work, but my home and family are still my priority" because if you're having to devote a portion of your time and attention to work, then priorities are split - especially since income is based on work performance, while home and family life has no such merit system. So you have to give less than 100% to your home and family if you are a working women, plain and simple.

However - (and here's where I break the mold of my extremism!) working women with young children are not accountable to ME, nor any other person who would encourage them to sacrifice themselves fully for their families. They are accountable to God, and God only. So while I can speak what I perceive to be the truth presented in God's Word, and what God has put on my heart as responsibilities in raising a family for Him - there's no point in "beating a dead horse" so to speak. Palin has made the choice to be in government, a good few years ago. What is being argued now she has probably heard numerous times. At this point, rallying over whether or not it is "right" that she is running for VP doesn't matter... she is, and that's that. And on judgment day it will be between her and the Lord whether or not it was the way He desired her glorify Him and serve her family. And you know what? The Lord is one of Grace and Mercy. I have been forgiven SO much, even my short life is a testimony to that. I cannot make the call of what He will say to her on that day, and I wouldn't even BEGIN to presume I could! Heaven forbid that sort of self-righteousness!

One can hope, that if she is making the "wrong" decision - that she will be in tune to the nudging of the Holy Spirit to be able to hear and correct what needs correcting. And nudges from the Holy Spirit most definitely can come from people unafraid to speak God's Word as truth. But ultimately, again - it is between her and the Lord. We have to make sure that we are keeping ourselves accountable to God, not just others, when we share our convictions and live our lives, and not always have our focus so "outward". The Lord has lots to do with all of us as He molds us into His image!

Anyway, where our personal responsibility lies in the case with Sarah Palin is only with our ballots. And again, each individual is responsible to the Lord for the vote they cast, no matter what reason they be for or against her (and McCain, obviously). Our responsibility is to vote the most important of convictions that He has laid on our hearts.

I would also like to say that I think there are two different types of "judgment" - a word that gets thrown at people who tend to have the most deep and strong convictions, in the form of an insult. One type of judgment is absolutely necessary for Christians to have (and really, anyone who wants to just survive on this planet) - and that is the basic judgment of "is this right, or wrong?" Christians have their "guidebook" for making the call on whether something is right or wrong - the Bible. If it goes against God's Word... its wrong! Pretty simple.

Now, the bad kind of judgment is the kind where someone judges someone else's character personally - saying "they're stupid because they're making the wrong choice" or "they're a terrible parent because of their choices". However to say, for example, "Stealing is wrong" is NOT a mean and heartless judgment - its a simple statement that the action of stealing is wrong. It could even be stretched into "those who do steal are wrong"... but it gets a bit sticky when you say "I think people who steal are useless and a drain on society" - that's an opinion - based on the true judgment that stealing is wrong (because God says so!) - but still the wrong kind of attitude to have, nonetheless. Does that even make sense?

The problem is, in today's society, people take even the word "wrong" as an insult. Everyone wants to be "right" and justified and feel good and happy about their decisions. So if I said to someone I saw stealing "Hey, stealing isn't the right thing to do!" - it might get met with defensiveness, or the claim that I am being judgmental, or even a justification of stealing! There seems to be such a high level of pride and lack of accountability in the world, even among Christians, that anyone who points out a basic tenant of the Word gets immediately attacked as judgmental, legalistic, and so on. We are called to exhort eachother to good works and obedience! However, tempered in love (which doesn't always mean mushy tact, lol!), and keeping in mind, as I've said this whole time, that everyone is held individually accountable to the Lord, and the Lord Himself.

Romans 14:4 "Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls..."

Monday, August 25, 2008

Clarifications

I wanted to discuss more of what I mentioned in the below post (Promises), regarding the Christian "self-help" mindset. Why does it bother me so? Well, first, because it so clearly imitates the world (Romans 12:2), but also because it is so self-focused. As Christians, we are to be others-focused. Jesus said the greatest commands (the whole Torah summed up, actually) are to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:28-31). Some might say "well, you can't love your neighbor until you love yourself" but that's not what Scripture says. Loving ourselves is inherent - we do it naturally. Even those with "low self-esteem" still have self-love - in the times when I have felt as if my "self-esteem" was "low", my pride and self-focus were still high - in fact, those two things often contribute to "low self-esteem" - thinking about yourself too much, even if it is in negative ways! Our flesh is constantly searching for ways to more love itself.

I will say, however, that as Christians, there is one true way to really "love" ourselves. Not in the fleshly, worldly ways that are usually suggested - (usually in the form of indulgences) but in something that seems so contrary to the idea of "self-love". How is this? Self-sacrifice. Submitting ourselves to the service and obedience of Christ. It seems that the very formula he laid out (to love God and love others) is indeed the very formula for loving ourselves!

However, I hesitate to make it that simple, because, in that, the end result is still "self". And, again, I assert, that our focus and goals in life are not to be self-oriented. They are to be God-oriented, and others-oriented. If we do things for the ultimate purpose of feeling "fulfilled", "satisfied", or even "righteous"... those are all the wrong reasons and our focus is still on ourselves. Our purpose should only be to glorify our magnificent creator, to say "less of me" and "all of You, Lord". To demonstrate His love for the world to the world - through praying, giving, reaching out, serving, showing hospitality, sharing His truth, and on and on...

Everything we do should be based in these thoughts - am I loving God by my thoughts, actions and speech? Is this glorifying Him? Am I loving others by my thoughts, actions, and speech? If there is confusion, use the Word to confirm! How do we love God? By obeying Him (John 14:15)! How do we love others? By obeying Him! He makes it very clear how we are to love others, and no where in His teachings does He ever say "focus on yourself first". His own life demonstrated a life of complete obedience to the Lord and service to others, even His enemies.

Once we get into the mindset of asking ourselves those questions about our life and the decisions we make, following the Lord loses many of its struggles and confusions. For example, let's look at the issue of modesty. The Word tells us to be modest, but not exactly what the standards of modesty are. So when we dress, instead of asking ourselves "Do I feel good in what I am wearing? Do I think I look pretty and attractive?" Instead, what we can ask ourselves are things like "Is what I am wearing harming my witness? Am I loving others by respecting my husband and other men out there by not being too tempting to outsiders by what I am or am not revealing?" and, on the other side, "Am I honoring my husband and showing the blessing of motherhood by making sure I am not going out looking like a frazzled, tired housewife all the time?" Also, in concern to issues of how we spend our free time. Is what we are watching or listening to uplifiting to the Lord and respectful and beneficial to others around us? Is how we spend leisure time helping to promote the Kingdom of God, or only fulfilling our fleshly desires and wasting the precious time God has given us? How does this benefit Him and others?

Putting our lives into the perspective of serving Him and others rather than "what's in it for me?" really makes us have to think and pray about every aspect of our lives and the decisions we make. When we are so focused on improving and serving ourselves, we limit the way God can use us to help others and we harm our witness. It sounds contrary to what the world wants us to believe, but God's way is not the world's way (Isaiah 55:8)!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Promises

This has been something on my heart for a long, long time, and I just didn't have the words to write it... but, thankfully (again!) someone else has. It seems more and more Christianity has fallen prey to a worldly "self-help" mindset. Everywhere we look, people promising that following Christ will automatically lead to more happiness, money, power, prestige, self-esteem - the "perfect" life... and if you are a Christian without these things, then obviously your walk or faith must be out of whack.

But WHERE in scripture are these things promised? Christ Himself promised that Christians would face persecution, and hatred from the world! He did not live a life of "happiness", "wealth", "prestige", he had no "self-esteem" - He was abused, despised, persecuted more than any man. The only one He esteemed was the Father. King David struggled with sin, despondency, and exile from his own kingdom. Paul and other apostles were imprisoned, tortured, and at times went without monetary wealth and possessions, while considering it all gain for the Lord!

We are promised that the Lord will provide our needs for us. That He will conform us to the image of His son, and that at times, it will hurt - a refining fire. That we will have peace beyond understanding, joy unspeakable - despite trials, persecution, mistreatment. In the mundane and the miraculous. That our lives will ultimately serve to glorify Him, and Him alone! In whatever purposes He sees fit, even if no man ever sees or recognizes. Oh, let us pray for Him to remove all desires of "self" from our hearts!

Happiness and joy are two different things - happiness is temporal, an emotion that comes and goes, and is based on situations, self-esteem, and outside surroundings. Joy is the steadfast peace the Lord gives, regardless of situation, surroundings, and emotion. Our confidence needs to rest in Him, not ourselves.

It is despairing to see how much of the world pop-Christian culture has tried to imitate through all of its methods, steps, secrets, and purposes. May we be like the Bereans (Acts 17:10-11), not just running to what tickles our ears and emotions, but clinging to what the promises of the Word are and God's ultimate Truths, promised through faith in Christ and Christ alone.

Here's the post that really spoke to and for me, from "Lisa Writes":
While eating my bologna sandwich at lunch the other day, I glanced through a Christian book and retail catalog. As I flipped pages, I noted the following assertions:

Live the life of your dreams
A groundbreaking journey of self discovery
Experience the uncommon life
A no-regrets life
Find the fulfillment you're missing
Power and purpose and true happiness can be yours!
Keys to improving my life to become a better me
Seven secrets, ten strategies, thirty days, 40 minutes, ten steps, etc.

I'm not picking a fight with a particular title or author. I'm just amazed at how easily the Christian life is boiled down by some to a series of secrets and steps. So many titles promise so much: happiness and fulfillment, power and purpose.

It seems to me I have little of those things.

Rather, my life seems messy, and I'm not just talking about the state of my home (though certainly an apt description). I find myself in a place I had not planned on. This is not (necessarily) the life I've always wanted. I'm not living the life of my dreams (who is?). I'm not where I thought I was going even six months ago.

Listen, the life of my dreams would include a perpetually clean and organized home, beautifully decorated with a pool in the backyard, children who obey readily and rarely watch tv, a growing and vibrant ministry, and maybe even a book deal or two.

Instead, I am an exhausted mom who yells too much and struggles with melancholy, a mediocre housekeeper, occasional blogger, and Bible teacher currently without a class.

What does that mean for me? For my faith? Did I read the wrong books and somehow miss the secrets that aren't really secrets if they're published for all the world to purchase and read?

Do I sound cynical? Maybe I am. But surely you would agree life is not always "fulfilling" as we wish.

Just the other night, I heard a Bible teacher speak of the implications of missing our callings. Our calling is where we find fulfillment, she insisted. You may think me mincing words (and you would not be the first!), but I do not think it is our callings that fulfill us. It is the Lord Jesus.

Our callings may in fact lead us through the fiery furnace of refining or the deep water of doubt. Look in the Bible; how many of the Lord's chosen lived the life they always wanted? Check out Hebrews 11:35-40 just for an example.

Yeah, so I am a bit cynical. But I see that life is not simple. It is complicated. And hard. And messy. And more than 7 steps or 5 secrets. It will not always be the life I wanted or the dream I desired. It may be more; it is often less, particularly if I define my dreams in terms of ease and comfort, prosperity and accomplishment.

As believers, our hope stretches far beyond the confines of this world. We hope in Christ, believing His promises of an eternal weight of glory to which nothing else--nothing else!--compares. Let us persevere, whether we soar with the eagles in the life we always dreamed of or whether we trudge through the life that is messy and hard and complicated. Truly the best is yet to come!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Be Still...

After spending a busy week at VBS last week, I was left wondering how other moms do it - stay "on the go" all the time. My house was a wreck, meals were only partially planned, bedtimes and naptimes were all over the map! It was hectic, to say the least. I've seen a bumper sticker that says "Why is it called HOMEschooling when we're never at HOME?" as a joke to how involved and busy homeschool families can be. Now, I do see a place for some "extracurricular" activities - but for our family, they are best when we are very selective and the activities add obvious value to our learning and character. Helping someone, for the majority, almost always trumps "school" because loving our neighbor is the most important witness we have, especially if we are able to do so as a family. But things like various groups, co-ops, classes, athletics, etc. are few and far between here. There is more peace in our home when we are actually in it, together, the majority of the time.

I recently came across a blog post at A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, called "Cultivating the Rich Christian Home", and there were several quotes from it that really stuck out to me, and say how I feel about staying at home, better than I can:
The rich full life that can consist only in a Christian home is available to me and everyone else with Christ as its center. As a Christian home we should be the role models to this perishing world and NOT imitate it. The world fills its time with empty pursuits and busyness to fill the void that only Christ can fill. Our homes should be the model of the beauty, rest and joy which radiates from our Saviour!!!! What is your home radiating today? Believe me, it matters to Christ.

A haven for the weary, a hospital for those in need of nursing. Open arms to those without family. A place of comfort, blessing and peace. Every need is met here, whether it be a meal, a smile, or a prayer. A place that reflects Christs heart. A warm loving environment that cannot be found anywhere else. A place people are drawn to knowing their souls will be refreshed. Does this sound like our homes? Can we create this type of environment while we are on the go? God has shown me all the ministry that can be poured out of my own home and that it can be overflowing!

And our children. Tell me at this very moment who has the HEART of your children? Is it their peers, the television, nintendo? Or, parent, do you have that sacred treasure? Turn your hearts to them and reap the blessings of this unworthy gift~the heart of a child. Can we obtain their hearts if we are rushing hither and tither to
every moms group, sporting event and pot-luck? It wouldn't leave us much time at all especially if we had to manage, keep a house and care for our husbands.

...

A rich home is what we desire. Hearts turned to one another. Family members being the best of friends and peace, love and joy flourishing in the face of the world outside its doors. Children being raised in the fear and the admonition of our glorious Father. You can't do that on the run.

I love it when I find blog posts that say what my heart believes but my words can't express as beautifully!

And, this might be a controversial thought... but I would say the same applies to various ministries. Are we "so involved" in our church lives or ministries that our home lives are suffering? Believing that we are furthering the cause of Christ, when the very causes He has blessed us with primarily, our husband and children, go neglected? A great resource on this is a CD by Beverly Bradley at Family Ministries, called "Keeper at Home" - she gives her testimony about how she "came home" from being very active in several outside ministries (all while being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom), and how much her family has been changed and blessed because of it. One reason I appreciate our church so much is because while it does offer some quality ministries, it is not "programs-driven" and believes that members' priorities are to first develop a personal relationship with the Lord, then to minister to their families, and then the church, fellowship, and community.

Let's always remember that as women, the Lord has given us some very clear and very important priorities in serving Him - our husbands, children, and home - first and foremost. We can't take care of any of these effectively if we're just too busy, distracted, or not there! Let us continue to keep the Lord's priorities ahead of whatever our flesh or the world might feel is more important.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Quarantined!

Can anyone guess what this is?



That's right... its Chickenpox! Nathan was acting fussy a few days ago, and over the weekend, these spots showed up on him. After watching them for the past few days, I am sure it is definitely the Chickenpox. They're on his face, back, torso, and diaper area. He's handling it pretty well - cheerful during the day, with only a little fussiness at night, which is when he runs a low-grade fever. So we are in quarantine for a few weeks until it passes through the house. Anyone want to come over for a Chickenpox party?

Some might be wondering why he's got the Chickenpox when there's a vaccination for it. Plain and simple, we didn't vaccinate him against it. Isaac and Ezra both were vaccinated against it, before I knew, that, as a mom, I was actually allowed to question authority and refuse treatment I thought would be unnecessary. By the time Joel came along, I really started questioning all the "new" vaccines that are coming out in droves. Some for diseases I've never even heard of, some for diseases that only people with certain dangerous lifestyles are exposed to, and some for basic childhood illness that everyone before now has gone through and the very large majority of whom survived. Sure enough, there are more and more complications being revealed that these new vaccines have caused, demonstrating that the pharmaceutical companies are using our children as "guinea pigs" and feeding off parental fear to generate revenue.

My biggest concern about the Chickenpox vaccine was that I heard immunity wears off after about 20 years - meaning there will be alot of young adults, women in childbearing age, with ineffective immunity! I'd much rather my children get natural, long-term immunity (especially considering the amount of toxins and chemicals included in vaccines). Also, I recently read an article saying that the vaccine was only proven to be about 44% effective in actually preventing the disease!

Considering those facts, I'm actually interested to see if Isaac and Ezra do get it. From what I've read, it can have an incubation period for up to 3 weeks, and then takes 10-14 days to be fully over... so we'll be home for a while! Feel free to drop by for some good old-fashioned immunity! :-)

Friday, June 27, 2008

Prosperity?

This video really spoke truth to me, so I wanted to share, along with some scriptures on my heart. This is not a "feel-good" message, but it is true. What a tragic and worldly mindset that has befallen so many Christians through this false teaching.

(as always, pause the playlist to the right before watching!)



"Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,"" Hebrews 13:5

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me" 2 Corinthians 12:9

"For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it, either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness." 1 Timothy 6:7-11

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13

I also really enjoyed this excerpt from Serving God and Family:
...I learned that my trust in the Lord is based on taking Him at His word. My faith in the Lord is not based on the miracles and wonders He blesses my life with. My faith in the Lord is not determined by which prayers He chooses to answer and which prayers He chooses not to answer. I believe in our day this is something many people never consider. This may be why many people fall prey to the “name it claim” groups. We cannot strong arm God into giving us what we want....

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The World's Way

I found the following article an excellent discussion on how the Feminist movement has progressed, and how it has also crept into general Christian thought and lifestyle. Also very thought provoking were the comments that followed.

Let us always keep in mind Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." How does one become "transformed by the renewing" of the mind? Not by our own human wisdom and feelings, or the world's designs, but by delving into the Word of God - searching out His desires, His truths, and obeying Him in love and trust. John 14:15 "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."

This is a quote I really enjoyed from the article:

As a peculiar people (1 Pet 2:9), as aliens (1 Pet 2:11), as strangers in this land (1 Pet 1:1), as pilgrims (Heb 11:13), as people who are called to be separate (1 Pet 2: 9-10) and different from the world in which we live, our lives should look different from the world. People ought to see the differences in how we live and ask, "what is the reason for the hope that is within you?" (1 Pet 3:15) But as John Piper has said, all too often, they aren't asking, because "we look like we're hoping in the same things THEY'RE hoping in!"
Read the rest here: Making Home: Society vs. The Biological Clock (aka "God's Design")

Friday, May 30, 2008

Demographic Winter

I came across this website and found it very interesting, especially in light of the regulations for population control that many countries are trying to (or have) enforce(d) for the sake of environmental protection. Click on the banner to watch the trailer. Please feel free to share your thoughts!


Also, just on a mathematical note - 2.1 children per household is simply the "replacement" rate of the population. In order to see an actual population increase, a family needs to have at least 3-4 children each!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

When Queens Ride By

This story is a bit long, but really gives some food for thought. Well worth the read!

by Agnes Slight Turnbull, 1888

Jennie Musgrave woke at the shrill rasp of the alarm clock as she always woke—with the shuddering start and a heavy realization that the brief respite of the night's oblivion was over. She had only time to glance through the dull light at the cluttered, dusty room, before John's voice was saying sleepily as he said every morning, "All right, let's go. It doesn't seem as if we'd been in bed at all!"

Jennie dressed quickly in the clothes, none too clean, that, exhausted, she had flung from her the night before. She hurried down the back stairs, her coarse shoes clattering thickly upon the bare boards. She kindled the fire in the range and then made a hasty pretense at washing in the basin in the sink.

John strode through the kitchen and on out to the barn. There were six cows to be milked and the great cans of milk to be taken to the station for the morning train.

Jennie put coffee and bacon on the stove, and then, catching up a pail from the porch, went after John. A golden red disk broke the misty blue of the morning above the cow pasture. A sweet, fragrant breath blew from the orchard. But Jennie neither saw nor felt the beauty about her.

She glanced at the sun and thought, It's going to be a hot day. She glanced at the orchard, and her brows knit. There it hung. All that fruit. Bushels of it going to waste. Maybe she could get time that day to make some more apple butter. But the tomatoes wouldn't wait. She must pick them and get them to town today, or that would be a dead loss. After all her work, well, it would only be in a piece with everything else if it did happen so. She and John had bad luck, and they might as well make up their minds to it.

She finished her part of the milking and hurried back again to the overcooked bacon and strong coffee. The children were down, clamorous, dirty, always underfoot. Jim, the eldest, was in his first term of school. She glanced at his spotted waist. He should have a clean one. But she couldn't help it. She couldn't get the washing done last week, and when she was to get a day for it this week she didn't know, with all the picking and the trips to town to make!

Breakfast was hurried and unpalatable, a sort of grudging concession to the demands of the body. Then John left in the milk wagon for the station, and Jennie packed little Jim's lunch basket with bread and apple butter and pie, left the two little children to their own devices in the backyard, and started toward the barn. There was no time to do anything in the house. The chickens and turkeys had to be attended to, and then she must get to the tomato patch before the sun got too hot. Behind her was the orchard with its rows and rows of laden apple tree. Maybe this afternoon—maybe tomorrow morning. There were the potatoes, too, to be lifted. Too hard work for a woman. But what were you going to do? Starve? John worked till dark in the fields.

She pushed her hair back with a quick, boyish sweep of her arm and went on scattering the grain to the fowls. She remembered their eager plans when they were married, when they took over the old farm—laden with its heavy mortgage—that had been John's father's. John had been so straight of back then and so jolly. Only seven years, yet now he was stooped a little, and his brows were always drawn, as though to hide a look of ashamed failure. They had planned to have a model farm someday: blooded stock, a tractor, a new barn. And then such a home they were to make of the old stone house! Jennie's hopes had flared higher even than John's. A rug for the parlor, an overstuffed set like the one in the mail—order catalogue, linoleum for the kitchen, electric lights!

They were young and, oh, so strong! There was nothing they could not do if they only worked hard enough.

But that great faith had dwindled as the first year passed. John worked later and later in the evenings. Jennie took more and more of the heavy tasks upon her own shoulders. She often thought with some pride that no woman in the countryside ever helped her husband as she did. Even with the haying and riding the reaper. Hard, coarsening work, but she was glad to do it for John's sake.

The sad riddle of it all was that at the end of each year they were no further on. The only difference from the year before was another window shutter hanging from one hinge and another crippled wagon in the barnyard which John never had time to mend. They puzzled over it in a vague distress. And meanwhile life degenerated into a straining, hopeless struggle. Sometimes lately John had seemed a little listless, as though nothing mattered. A little bitter when he spoke of Henry Davis.

Henry held the mortgage and had expected a payment on the principle this year. He had come once and looked about with something very like a sneer on his face. If he should decide someday to foreclose—that would be the final blow. They never would get up after that. If John couldn't hold the old farm, he could never try to buy a new one. It would mean being renters all their lives. Poor renters at that!

She went to the tomato field. It had been her own idea to do some tracking along with the regular farm crops. But, like everything else, it had failed of her expectations. As she put the scarlet tomatoes, just a little overripe, into the basket, she glanced with a hard tightening of her lips toward a break in the trees a half mile away where a dark, listening bit of road caught the sun. Across its polished surface twinkled an endless procession of shining, swift—moving objects. The State Highway.

Jennie hated it. In the first place, it was so tauntingly near and yet so hopelessly far from them. If it only ran by their door, as it did past henry Davis's for instance, it would solve the whole problem of marketing the fruits and vegetables. Then they could set the baskets on the lawn, and people could stop for them. But as it was, nobody all summer long had paid the least attention to the sign John had put up at the end of the lane. And no wonder. Why should travelers drive their cars over the stony country byway, when a little farther along they would find the same fruit spread temptingly for them at the very roadside?

But there was another reason she hated that bit of sleek road showing between the trees. She hated it because it hurt her with its suggestions of all that passed her by in that endless procession twinkling in the sunshine. There they kept going, day after day, those happy, carefree women, riding in handsome limousines or in gay little roadsters. Some in plainer cars, too, but even those were, like the others, women who could have rest, pleasure, comfort for the asking. They were whirled along hour by hour to new pleasures, while she was weighted to the drudgery of the farm like one of the great rocks in the pasture field.

And—most bitter thought of all—they had pretty homes to go back to when the happy journey was over. That seemed to be the strange and cruel law about homes. The finer they were, the easier it was to leave them. Now with her—if she had the rug for the parlor and the stuffed furniture and linoleum for the kitchen, she shouldn't mind anything so much then; she had nothing, nothing but hard slaving and bad luck. And the highway taunted her with it. Flung its impossible pleasures mockingly in her face as she bent over the vines or dragged the heavy baskets along the rows.

The sun grew hotter. Jennie put more strength into her task. She knew, at last, by the scorching heat overhead that is was nearing noon. She must have a bit of lunch ready for John when he came in. There wasn't time to prepare much. Just reheat the coffee and set down some bread and pie.

She started towards the house, giving a long yodeling call for the children as she went. They appeared from the orchard, tumbled and torn from experiments with the wire fence. Her heart smothered her at the sight of them. Among the other dreams that the years had crushed out were those of little rosy boys and girls in clean suits and fresh ruffled dresses. As it was, the children had just grown like farm weeds.

This was the part of all the drudgery that hurt most. That she had not time to care for her children, sew for them, teach them things that other children knew. Sometimes it seemed as if she had no real love for them at all. She was too terribly tired as a rule to have any feeling. The only times she used energy to talk to them was when she had to reprove them for some dangerous misdeed. That was all wrong. It seemed wicked; but how could she help it? With the work draining the very life out of her, strong as she was.

John came in heavily, and they ate in silence except for the children's chatter. John hardly looked up form his plate. He gulped down great drafts of the warmed-over coffee and then pushed his chair back hurriedly.

"I'm goin' to try to finish the harrowin' in the south field," he said.

"I'm at the tomatoes," Jennie answered. "I've got them' most all picked and ready for takin'."

That was all. Work was again upon them.

It was two o'clock by the sun, and Jennie had loaded the last heavy basket of tomatoes on the milk wagon in which she must drive to town, when she heard shrill voices sounding along the path. The children were flying in excitement toward her.

"Mum! Mum! Mum!" they called as they came panting up to her with big, surprised eyes. "Mum, there's a lady up there. At the kitchen door. All dressed up. A pretty lady. She wants to see you."

Jennie gazed down at them disbelievingly. A lady, a pretty lady at her kitchen door? All dressed up! What that could mean! Was it possible someone had at last braved the stony lane to buy fruit? Maybe bushels of it!

"Did she come in a car?" Jennie asked quickly.

"No, she just walked in. She's awful pretty. She smiled at us."

Jennie's hopes dropped. Of course. She might have known. Some agent likely, selling books. She followed the children wearily back along the path and in at the rear door of the kitchen. Across from it another door opened into the side yard. Here stood the stranger.

The two women looked at each other across the kitchen, across the table with the remains of two meals upon it, the strewn chairs, the littered stove—across the whole scene of unlovely disorder. They looked at each other in startled surprise, as inhabitants of Earth and Mars might look if they were suddenly brought face-to-face.

Jennie saw a woman in a gray tweed coat that seemed to be part of her straight, slim body. A small gray hat with a rose quill was drawn low over the brownish hair. Her blue eyes were clear and smiling. She was beautiful! And yet she was not young. She was in her forties, surely. But an aura of eager youth clung to her, a clean and exquisite freshness.

The stranger in her turn looked across at a young woman, haggard and weary. Her yellowish hair hung in straggling wisps. Her eyes looked hard and hunted. Her cheeks were thin and sallow. Her calico dress was shapeless and begrimed from her work.

So they looked at each other for one long, appraising second. Then the woman in gray smiled.

"How do you do? " she began. "We ran our car into the shade of your lane to have our lunch and rest for a while. And I walked on up to buy a few apples, if you have them."

Jennie stood staring at the stranger. There was an unconscious hostility in her eyes. This was one of the women from the highway. One of those envied ones who passed twinkling through the summer sunshine from pleasure to pleasure while Jennie slaved on.

But the pretty lady's smile was disarming. Jennie started toward a chair and pulled off the old coat and apron that lay on it.

"Won't you sit down?" she said politely. "I'll go and get the apples. I'll have to pick them off the tree. Would you prefer rambos?"

"I don't know what they are, but they sound delicious. You must choose them for me. But mayn't I come with you? I should love to help pick them."

Jennie considered. She felt baffled by the friendliness of the other woman's face and utterly unable to meet it. But she did not know how to refuse.

"Why I s'pose so. If you can get through the dirt."

She led the way over the back porch with its crowded baskets and pails and coal buckets, along the unkept path toward the orchard. She had never been so acutely conscious of the disorder about her. Now a hot shame brought a lump to her throat. In her preoccupied haste before, she had actually not noticed that tub of overturned milk cans and rubbish heap! She saw it all now swiftly through the other woman's eyes. And then that new perspective was checked by a bitter defiance. Why should she care how things looked to this woman? She would be gone, speeding down the highway in a few minutes as though she had never been there.

She reached the orchard and began to drag a long ladder from the fence to the rambo tree.

The other woman cried out in distress. "Oh, but you can't do that! You mustn't. It's too heavy for you, or even for both of us. Please just let me pick a few from the ground."

Jennie looked in amazement at the stranger's concern. It was so long since she had seen anything like it.

"Heavy?" she repeated. "This ladder? I wish I didn't ever lift anything heavier than this. After hoistin' bushel baskets of tomatoes onto a wagon, this feels light to me."

The stranger caught her arm. "But—but do you think it's right? Why, that's a man's work."

Jennie's eyes blazed. Something furious and long-pent broke out from within her. "Right! Who are you to be askin' me whether I'm right or not?" What would have become of us if I didn't do a man's work? It takes us both, slaving away, an' then we get nowhere. A person like you don't know what work is! You don't know—"

Jennie's voice was the high shrill of hysteria; but the stranger's low tones somehow broke through. "Listen," she said soothingly. "Please listen to me. I'm sorry I annoyed you by saying that, but now, since we are talking, why can't we sit down here and rest a minute? It's so cool and lovely here under the trees, and if you were to tell me all about it—because I'm only a stranger—perhaps it would help. It does sometimes, you know. A little rest would—"

"Rest! Me sit down to rest, an' the wagon loaded to go to town? It'll hurry me now to get back before dark."

And then something strange happened. The other women put her cool, soft hand on Jennie's grimy arm. There was a compelling tenderness in her eyes. "Just take the time you would have spent picking apples. I would so much rather. And perhaps somehow I could help you. I wish I could. Won't you tell me why you have to work so hard?"

Jennie sank down on the smooth green grass. Her hunted, unwilling eyes had yielded to some power in the clear, serene eyes of the stranger. A sort of exhaustion came over her. A trembling reaction from the straining effort of weeks.

"There ain't much to tell," she said half sullenly, "only that we ain't gettin' ahead. We're clean discouraged, both off us. Henry Davis is talking about foreclosin' on us if we don't pay some principle. The time of the mortgage is out this year, an' mebbe he won't renew it. He's got plenty himself, but them's the hardest kind." She paused; then her eyes flared. "An' it ain't that I haven't done my part. Look at me. I'm barely thirty, an' I might be fifty. I'm so weather-beaten. That's the way I've worked!"

"And you think that has helped your husband?"

"Helped him?" Jennie's voice was sharp. "Why shouldn't it help him?"

The stranger was looking away through the green stretches of orchard. She laced her slim hands together about her knees. She spoke slowly. "Men are such queer things, husbands especially. Sometimes we blunder when we are trying hardest to serve them. For instance, they want us to be economical, and yet they want us in pretty clothes. They need our work, and yet they want us to keep our youth and our beauty. And sometimes they don't know themselves which they really want most. So we have to choose. That's what makes it so hard".

She paused. Jennie was watching her with dull curiosity as though she were speaking a foreign tongue. Then the stranger went on:

"I had to choose once, long ago; just after we were married, my husband decided to have his own business, so he started a very tiny one. He couldn't afford a helper, and he wanted me to stay in the office while he did the outside selling. And I refused, even though it hurt him. Oh, it was hard! But I knew how it would be if I did as he wished. We would both have come back each night. Tired out, to a dark, cheerless house and a picked-up dinner. And a year if that might have taken something away from us—something precious. I couldn't risk it, so I refused and stuck to it."

"And then how I worked in my house—a flat it was then. I had so little outside of our wedding gifts; but at least I could make it a clean, shining, happy place. I tried to give our little dinners the grace of a feast. And as the months went on, I knew I had done right. My husband would come home dead-tired and discouraged, ready to give up the whole thing. But after he had eaten and sat down in our bright little living room, and I had read to him or told him all the funny things I could invent about my day, I could see him change. By bedtime he had his courage back, and by morning he was at last ready to go out and fight again. And at last he won, and he won his success alone, as a man loves to do."

Still Jennie did not speak. She only regarded her guest with a half-resentful understanding.

The woman in gray looked off again between the trees. Her voice was very sweet. A humorous little smile played about her lips.

"There was a queen once," she went on, "who reigned in troublous days. And every time the country was on the brink of war and the people ready to fly into a panic, she would put on her showiest dress and take her court with her and go hunting. And when the people would see her riding by, apparently so gay and happy, they were sure all was well with the Government. So she tided over many a danger. And I've tried to be like her."

"Whenever a big crisis comes in my husband's business—and we've had several—or when he's discouraged, I put on my prettiest dress and get the best dinner I know how or give a party! And somehow it seems to work. That's the woman's part, you know. To play the queen—"

A faint honk-honk came from the lane. The stranger started to her feet. "That's my husband. I must go. Please don't bother about the apples. I'll just take these from under the tree. We only wanted two or three, really. And give these to the children." She slipped two coins into Jennie's hand.

Jennie had risen, too, and was trying from a confusion of startled thoughts to select one for speech. Instead she only answered the other woman's bright good-bye with a stammering repetition and a broken apology about the apples.

She watched the stranger's erect, lithe figure hurrying away across the path that led directly to the lane. Then she turned her back to the house, wondering dazedly if she had only dreamed that the other woman had been there. But no, there were emotions rising hotly within her that were new. They had had no place an hour before. They had risen at the words of the stranger and at the sight of her smooth, soft hair, the fresh color in her cheeks, the happy shine of her eyes.

A great wave of longing swept over Jennie, a desire that was lost in choking despair. It was as thought she had heard a strain of music for which she had waited all her life and then felt it swept away into silence before she had grasped its beauty. For a few brief minutes she, Jennie Musgrave, had sat beside one of the women of the highway and caught a breath of her life—that life which forever twinkled in the past in bright procession, like the happenings of a fairy tale. Then she was gone, and Jennie was left as she had been, bound to the soil like one of the rocks of the field.

The bitterness that stormed her heart now was different from the old dull disheartenment. For it was coupled with new knowledge. The words of the stranger seemed more vivid to her than when she had sat listening in the orchard. But they came back to her with the pain of agony.

"All very well for her to talk so smooth to me about man's work and woman's work! An' what she did for her husband's big success. Easy enough for her to sit talking about queens! What would she do if she was here on this farm like me? What would a woman like her do?"

Jennie had reached the kitchen door and stood there looking at the hopeless melee about her. Her words sounded strange and hollow in the silence of the house. "Easy for her!" she burst out. She never had the work pilin' up over her like I have. She never felt it at her throat like a wolf, the same as John an' me does. Talk about choosin'! I haven't got no choice. I just got to keep goin'—just keep goin', like I always have—"

She stopped suddenly. There in the middle of the kitchen floor, where the other woman had passed over, lay a tiny square of white. Jennie crossed to it quickly and picked it up. A faint delicious fragrance like the dream of a flower came from it. Jennie inhaled it eagerly. It was not like any odor she had ever known. It made her think of sweet, strange things. Things she had never thought about before. Of gardens in the early summer dusk, of wide fair rooms with the moonlight shining in them. It made her somehow think with vague wistfulness of all that.

She looked carefully at the tiny square. The handkerchief was of fine, fairylike smoothness. In the corner a dainty blue butterfly spread his wings. Jennie drew in another long breath. The fragrance filled her senses again. Her first greedy draft had not exhausted it. It would stay for a while, at least.

She laid the bit of white down cautiously on the edge of the table and went to the sink, where she washed her hands carefully. The she returned and picked up the handkerchief again with something like reverence. She sat down, still holding it, staring at it. This bit of linen was to her an articulated voice. She understood its language. It spoke to her of white, freshly washed clothes blowing in the sunshine, of an iron moving smoothly, leisurely, to the accompaniment of a song over snowy folds; it spoke to her of quiet, orderly rooms and ticking clocks and a mending basket under the evening lamp; it spoke to her of all the peaceful routine of a well managed household, the kind she had once dreamed of having.

But more than this, the exquisite daintiness of it, the sweet, alluring perfume spoke to her of something else which her heart understood, even though her speech could have found no words for it. She could feel gropingly the delicacy, the grace, the beauty that made up the other woman's life in all its relations.

She, Jennie, had none of that. Everything about their lives, hers and John's, was coarsened, soiled somehow by the dragging, endless labor or the days.

Jennie leaned forward, her arms stretched tautly before her upon her knees, her hands clasped tightly over the fragrant bit of white. Suppose she were to try doing as the stranger had said. Suppose that she spent her time on the house and let the outside work go. What then? What would John say? Would they be much farther behind than they were now? Could they be? And suppose, by some strange chance, the other woman had been right! That a man could be helped more by doing of these other things she had neglected?

She sat very still, distressed, uncertain. Out in the barnyard waited the wagon of tomatoes, overripe now for market. No, she could do nothing today, at least, but go on as usual.

Then her hands opened a little; the perfume within them came up to her, bringing again that thrill of sweet, indescribable things.

She started up, half-terrified at her own resolve. "I'm goin' to try it now. Mebbe I'm crazy, but I'm goin' to do it anyhow!"

It was a long time since Jennie had performed such a meticulous toilet. It was years since she had brushed her hair. A hasty combing had been its best treatment. She put on her one clean dress, the dark voile reserved for trips to town. She even changed from her shapeless, heavy shoes to her best ones. Then, as she looked at herself in the dusty mirror, she saw that she was changed. Something, at least, of the hard haggardness was gone from her face, and her hair framed it with smooth softness. Tomorrow she would wash it. It used to be almost yellow.

She went to the kitchen. With something of the burning zeal of a fanatic, she attacked the confusion before her. By half past four the room was clean: the floor swept, the stove shining, dishes and pans washed and put in their places. From the tumbled depths of a drawer Jennie had extracted a white tablecloth that had been bought in the early days, for company only. With a spirit of daring recklessness she spread it on the table. She polished the chimney of the big oil lamp and then set the fixture, clean and shining, in the center of the white cloth.

Now the supper! And she must hurry. She planned to have it at six o' clock and ring the big bell for John fifteen minutes before, as she used to just after they were married.

She decided upon fried ham and browned potatoes and applesauce with hot biscuits. She hadn't made them for so long, but her fingers fell into their old deftness. Why, cooking was just play if you had time to do it right! Then she thought of the tomatoes and gave a little shudder. She thought of the long hours of backbreaking work she had put into them and called herself a little fool to have been swayed by the words of a strange and the scent of a handkerchief, to neglect her rightful work and bring more loss upon John and herself. But she went on, making the biscuits, turning the ham, setting the table.

It was half past five; the first pan of flaky brown mounds had been withdrawn from the oven, the children's faces and hands had been washed and their excited questions satisfied, when the sound of a car came from the bend. Jennie knew that car. It belonged to Henry Davis. He could be coming for only one thing.

The blow they had dreaded, fending off by blind disbelief in the ultimate disaster, was about to fall. Henry was coming to tell them he was going to foreclose. It would almost kill John. This was his father's old farm. John had taken it over, mortgage and all, so hopefully, so sure he could succeed where his father had failed. If he had to leave now there would be a double disgrace to bear. And where could they go? Farms weren't so plentiful.

Henry had driven up to the side gate. He fumbled with some papers in his inner pocket as he started up the walk. A wild terror filled Jennie's heart. She wanted desperately to avoid meeting Henry Davis's keen, hard face, to flee somewhere, anywhere before she heard the words hat doomed them.

Then as she stood shaken, wondering how she could live through what the next hours would bring, she saw in a flash the beautiful stranger as she had sat in the orchard, looking off between the trees and smiling to herself. "There was once a queen."

Jennie heard the words again distinctly just as Henry Davis's steps sounded sharply nearer on the walk outside. There was only a confused picture of a queen wearing the stranger's lovely, highbred face, riding gaily to the hunt through forests and towns while her kingdom was tottering. Riding gallantly on, in spite of her fears.

Jennie's heart was pounding and her hands were suddenly cold. But something unreal and yet irresistible was sweeping her with it. "There was once a queen."

She opened the screen door before Henry Davis had time to knock. She extended her hand cordially. She was smiling. "Well, how d' you do, Mr. Davis. Come right in. I'm real glad to see you. Been quite a while since you was over."

Henry looked surprised and very much embarrassed. "Why, no, now, I won't go in. I just stopped to see John on a little matter of business. I'll just—"

"You'll just come right in. John will be in from milkin' in a few minutes an' you can talk while you eat, both of you. I've supper just ready. Now step right in, Mr. Davis!"

As Jennie moved aside, a warm, fragrant breath of fried ham and biscuits seemed to waft itself to Henry Davis's nostrils. There was a visible softening of his features. "Why, no, I didn't reckon on anything like this. I 'lowed I'd just speak to John and then be gettin' on."

"They'll see you at home when you get there," Jennie put in quickly. "You never tasted my hot biscuits with butter an' quince honey, or you wouldn't take so much coachin'!"

Henry Davis came in and sat in the big, clean, warm kitchen. His eyes took in every detail of the orderly room: the clean cloth, the shining lamp, the neat sink, the glowing stove. Jennie saw him relax comfortably in his chair. Then above the aromas of the food about her, she detected the strange sweetness of the bit of white linen she had tucked away in the bosom of her dress. It rose to her as a haunting sense of her power as a woman.

She smiled at Henry Davis. Smiled as she would never have thought of doing a day ago. Then she would have spoken to him with a drawn face full of subservient fear. Now, though the fear clutched her heart, her lips smiled sweetly, moved by that unreality that seemed to possess her. "There was once a queen."

"An' how are things goin' with you, Mr. Davis?" she asked with a blithe upward reflection.

Henry Davis was very human. He had never noticed before that Jennie's hair was so thick and pretty and that she had such pleasant ways. Neither had he dreamed that she was such a good cook as the sight and smell of the supper things would indicate. He was very comfortable there in the big sweet-smelling kitchen.

He smiled back. It was an interesting experiment on Henry's part, for his smiles were rare. "Oh, so-so. How are they with you?"

Jennie had been taught to speak the truth; but at this moment there dawned in her mind a vague understanding that the high loyalties of life are, after all, relative and not absolute.

She smiled again as she skillfully flipped a great slice of golden brown ham over in the frying pan.

"Why, just fine, Mr. Davis. We're gettin' on just fine, John an' me. It's been hard sleddin' but I sort of think the worst is over. I think we're goin' to come out way ahead now. We'll just be proud to pay off that mortgage so fast, come another year, that you'll be surprised!"

It was said. Jennie marveled that the words had not choked her, had not somehow smitten her dead as she spoke them. But their effect on Henry Davis was amazingly good.

"That so?" he asked in surprise. "Well now, that's fine. I always wanted to see John make a success of the old place, but somehow—well, you know it didn't look as if—that is, there's been some talk around that maybe John wasn't just gettin' along any too—you know. A man has to sort of watch his investments. Well, now, I'm glad things are pickin' up a little."

Jennie felt as though a tight hand at her throat had relaxed. She spoke brightly of the fall weather and the crops as she finished setting the dishes on the table and rang the big bell for John. There was delicate work yet to be done when he came in.

Little Jim had to be sent to hasten him before he finally appeared. He was a big man, John Musgrave, big and slow moving and serious. He had known nothing all his life but hard physical toil. Hedaviess had pitted his great body against all the adverse forces of nature. There was a time when he had felt that strength such as his was all any man needed to bring him fortune. Now he was not so sure. The brightness of that faith was dimmed by experience.

John came to the kitchen door with his eyebrows drawn. Little Jim had told Jim that Henry Davis was there. He came into the room as an accused man faces the jury of his peers, faces the men who, though the same flesh and blood as he, are yet somehow curiously in a position to save or to destroy him.

John came in, and then he stopped, staring blankly at the scene before him. At Jennie moving about the bright table, chatting happily with Henry Davis! At Henry himself, his sharp features softened by an air of great satisfaction. At the sixth plate on the white cloth. Henry staying for supper!

But the silent deeps of John's nature served him well. He made no comment. Merely shook hands with Henry Davis and then washed his face at the sink.

Jennie arranged the savory dishes, and they sat down to supper. It was an entirely new experience to John to sit at the head of his own table and serve a generously heaped plate to Henry Davis. It sent through him a sharp thrill of sufficiency, of equality. He realized that before he had been cringing in his soul at the very sight of this man.

Henry consumed eight biscuits richly covered with quince honey, along with the heavier part of his dinner. Jennie counted them. She recalled hearing that the Davises did not set a very bountiful table; it was common talk that Mrs. Davis was even more "miserly" than her husband. But, however that was, Henry now seemed to grow more and more genial and expansive as he ate. So did John. By the time the pie was set before them, they were laughing over a joke Henry had heard at Grange meeting.

Jennie was bright, watchful, careful. If the talk lagged, she made a quick remark. She moved softly between table and stove, refilling the dishes. She saw to it that a hot biscuit was at Henry Davis's elbow just when he was ready for it. All the while there was rising within her a strong zest for life that she would have deemed impossible only that morning. This meal, at least, was a perfect success, and achievements of any sort whatever had been few.

Henry Davis left soon after supper. He brought the conversation around awkwardly to his errand as they rose from the table. Jennie was ready.

"I told him, John, that the worst was over now, an' we're getting' on fine!" She laughed." I told him we'd be swampin' him pretty soon with our payments. Ain't that right John?"

John's mind was not analytical. At that moment he was comfortable. He has been host at a delicious supper with his ancient adversary, whose sharp face marvelously softened. Jennie's eyes were shining with a new and amazing confidence. It was a natural moment for unreasoning optimism.

"Why that's right, Mr. Davis. I believe we can start clearin' this off now pretty soon. If you could just see your way clear to renew the note mebbe. . . ."

It was done. The papers were back in Davis's pocket. They had bid him a cordial good-bye from the door.

"Next time you come, I will have biscuits for you Mr. Davis." Jennie had called daringly after him.

"Now you don't forget that Mrs. Musgrave! They certainly ain't hard to eat."

He was gone. Jennie cleared the table and set the shining lamp in the center of the oilcloth covering. She began to wash the dishes. John was fumbling through the papers on a hanging shelf. He finally sat down with and old tablet and pencil. He spoke meditatively. "I believe I'll do a little figurin' since I've got time tonight. It just struck me that mebbe if I used my head a little more I'd get on faster."

"Well now, you might," said Jennie. It would not be John's way to comment just yet on their sudden deliverance. She polished two big Rambo apples and placed them on a saucer beside him.

He looked pleased. "Now that's what I like." He grinned. Then making a clumsy clutch at her arm, he added, "Say, you look sort of pretty tonight."

Jennie made a brisk coquettish business of freeing herself. "Go along with you!" she returned, smiling and started in again upon the dishes. But a hot wave of color had swept up in her shallow cheeks.

John had looked more grateful over her setting those two apples beside him now, than he had the day last fall when she lifted all the potatoes herself! Men were strange, as the woman in gray had said. Maybe even John had been needing something else more than he needed the hard, backbreaking work she had been doing.

She tidied up the kitchen and put the children to bed. It seemed strange to be through now, ready to sit down. All summer they had worked outdoors till bedtime. Last night she had been slaving over apple butter until she stopped, exhausted, and John had been working in the barn with the lantern. Tonight seemed so peaceful, so quiet. John still sat at the table, figuring while he munched his apples. His brows were not drawn now. There was a new, purposeful light upon his face.

Jennie walked to the doorway and stood looking off through the darkness and through the break in the trees at the end of the lane. Bright and golden lights kept glittering across it, breaking dimly through the woods, flashing out strongly for a moment, then disappearing behind the hill. Those were the lights of the happy cars that never stopped in their swift search for far and magic places. Those were the lights of the highway which she had hated. But she did not hate it now. For today it had come to her at last and left with her some of its mysterious pleasure.

Jennie wished, as she stood there, that she could somehow tell the beautiful stranger in the gray coat that her words had been true, that she, Jennie, insofar as she was able, was to be like her and fulfill her woman's part.

For while she was not figuring as John was doing, yet her mind had been planning, sketching in details, strengthening itself against the chains of old habits, resolving on new ones; seeing with sudden clearness where they had been blundered, where they had made mistakes that farsighted, orderly management could have avoided. But how could John have sat down to figure in comfort before, in the kind of kitchen she had been keeping?

Jennie bit her lip. Even if some of the tomatoes spoiled, if all of them spoiled, there would be a snowy washing on her line tomorrow; there would be ironing the next day in her clean kitchen. She could sing as she worked. She used to when she was a girl. Even if the apples rotted on the trees, there were certain things she knew now that she must do, regardless of what John might say. It would pay better in the end, for she had read the real needs of his soul from his eyes that evening. Yes, wives had to choose for their husbands sometimes.

A thin haunting breath of sweetness rose from the bosom of her dress where the scrap of white linen lay. Jennie smiled into the dark. And tomorrow she would take time to wash her hair. It used to be yellow—and she wished she could see the stranger once more, just long enough to tell her she understood.

As matter of fact, at that very moment, many miles along the sleek highway, a woman in a gray coat, with a soft gray hat and a rose quill, leaned suddenly close to her husband as he shot the high-powered car through the night. Suddenly he glanced down at her and slackened the speed.

"Tired?" he asked. "You haven't spoken for miles. Shall we stop at this next town?"

The woman shook her head. "I'm all right, and I love to drive at night. It's only—you know—that poor woman at the farm. I can't get over her wretched face and house and everything. It—it was hopeless!"

The man smiled down at her tenderly. "Well, I'm sorry, too, if it was all as bad as your description; but you mustn't worry. Good gracious, darling, you're not weeping over it, I hope!"

"No, truly, just a few little tears. I know it's silly, but I did so want to help her, and I know now that what I said must have sounded perfectly insane. She wouldn't know what I was talking about. She just looked up with that blank, tired face. And it all seemed so impossible. No, I'm not going to cry. Of course I'm not—but—lend me your handkerchief, will you dear? I've lost mine somehow!"

Monday, December 03, 2007

The Business of Being Born

I've mentioned a few times that I am very enthusiastic about natural childbirth. I personally would homebirth all of my babies if I could convince my husband of it ;-) I feel that childbirth *is* a natural experience, one that God created women for, designed our bodies with the specific purpose of accomplishing.

I also feel that the medical world has changed this natural event into a fear-tinged "illness" that needs to be monitored, controlled, and intervened with at all times. We have a friend who finished medical school and told me "Childbirth is the most dangerous thing that can happen. Its so unpredictable!" I was floored that years of medical teaching has taught him to have that attitude!

When Nathan was born, he was delivered by a Certified Nurse Midwife. It was the best birth I have experienced so far. All of my births have been natural, but always on the "doctor's time" - don't push yet, let's break your water, let's wait, let's hurry, no you can't get up, you can't use the bathroom, you can't push that way... the midwife just sat back, waited, and watched. She offered suggestions when I asked, she allowed me to move how I needed to move, push how I needed to push, encouraged me to listen to my body and my body's timing... it was so relaxing and pleasant - the way birth should be!

The level of intervention in childbirth alarms me, as does the fact that homebirth is actually ILLEGAL in some states (including my own). Hospital births did not even start happening in this country until the turn of the 1900s. Only for the past 100 years, in all the years of human existance, have women all of the sudden "needed" medical assistance to give birth.

I was excited to see that a new Independant Film has been made about this very issue, called "The Business of Being Born". Check out the trailer, and then see if there will be any screenings near you! Netflix will be carrying it, so be sure to put it in your queue! Even if you don't agree with my opinions, it will give you some interesting things to think on.

I wanted to add that there is another cool resource regarding this topic called "Born in the U.S.A." which was released as a television documentary. This website has some birth stories, offering the differing views of OBs and Midwives for each case, information about safety during labor and delivery, as well as an extensive list of resources. Enjoy!